Metamorphosis :: An online journal about dieting struggles and lifestyle changes...

Cold

2009-12-11T12:53:00.002-05:00

I got sick. It sucks, I got a very bad cold and was out of it for most of the week. I am feeling better, but still not 100%. Anyway, you can guess that I haven't joined the YMCA yet. I plan on it this Sunday or Monday. I have not done any Christmas shopping yet either. I really can't believe it that it is the middle of December already.

Challenges

2009-12-03T08:31:00.002-05:00

My plans for the YMCA were changed when the person bailed on me to go with a guest pass. You have to have a member with you for that. So I went anyway and inquired and toured the facilities. I think I was expecting it to be a little nicer, but it isn't a new building. They have a nice one downtown here, but it is out of my way. Maybe I can go to that one occasionally. It is nice you can go to any of them.

I thought it over and it is a financial commitment because you have to pay every month. It is $64 a month and I do think that is a little steep for 1 person but I am going to join anyway. I so need to just go and exercise after work and get it done with. When I go home there are too many distractions and I just never can get myself going anymore. This wasn't a problem before, I had way more motivation.

We have a lot of eating opportunities coming up and if I am exercising I would feel better and maybe be able to resist the temptation to keep pigging out. I have no idea, but the holidays really make it challenging to eat better.

Hiatus

2009-11-30T10:14:00.002-05:00

So I haven't been around much. I had a lot going on in my life. My bf was very sick and we could not find out what was wrong with him, but finally we did. He got his gallbladder out 2 weeks ago. He is feeling a ton better and all is well. I also had some adjustment to my new work department. Anyway, I am freshly back after thanksgiving and would like to resume my blog. I have gained about 3 pounds but plan on getting it off asap! I haven't stopped exercising, but haven't been as diligent. So my plan now is to join a gym.

Tonight..with the help of my bf's sister, I plan on being a guest at our local YMCA. It is expensive to join to me, but it has a good variety of group classes that I would love to do to get my exercising mojo back. I hope I get to go...I may anyway if she bails on me..and just join. I have about 2 weeks off from work in December and I would love to make going to the gym a priority during that time. I so want to reach my goals of weight loss! My goal is just 10 pounds right now, so wish me luck!

Dissatisfaction

2009-09-09T14:21:00.003-04:00

I read another article from Judith Beck dealing with eating satisfation. I think it has some good tips that I need to remember more often!

Remind yourself:
• I’m probably just feeling unsatisfied, which is not a reason to overeat.
• Even if this IS true hunger, there’s no emergency here. I’ll be eating again in x hours.
• I deserve a lot of credit for eating only what I planned. (“It’s actually great that I’m stopping now.”)
• Stopping now means I’ll still be able to wear smaller-sized clothes, cross my legs, not feel like people are judging me because of my weight, feel comfortable meeting new people, etc.”
• The more I label and accept dissatisfaction, the easier it will become. The more I struggle against not being able to eat whatever I want, the worse I’ll be in the short-run and long-run.”
• Every instance of accepting dissatisfaction (“Oh, well”) is important and I deserve credit for accepting it.
• There’s nothing wrong with feeling dissatisfied. It’s nothing you need to “fix.”

And you’re not alone. Millions of people feel dissatisfied every time they go shopping because they’d like to buy things that they can’t. Maybe you do, too. They usually adopt an “Oh, well,” attitude. “Oh, well, I’d like to buy that bigger television but I don’t have enough money.” They accept the fact, and move on.

It’s the same with food. “Oh, well. I’d like to eat more but I can’t, not if my goal is permanent weight loss. I might as well accept that fact, and move on.” In the long run, to avoid chronic dissatisfaction, you may need to learn how to appreciate what you do have, especially non-tangible things such as family, friends, work, health, spirituality, fun, and so on. After reminding yourself of these things, immediately get busy doing an activity or task you’ve planned in advance to engage your attention elsewhere.

Never give up

2009-09-09T14:11:00.003-04:00

I have been a slacker on posting, but I read a great article on the ups and downs of weight loss and here is some things to tell yourself when you weigh-in:

If I've Been Following My Plan

•It will be nice if my weight is down today but it's fine if it's up.
•Look where I am today compared to where I started!
•If it's up, it doesn't necessarily mean I did anything wrong and if I keep following my plan, it will come down again, until I hit maintenance.
•History has shown me that the number definitely goes up and down.
•I don't need to worry unless my weight goes up and continues to go up for several days in a row.

If I Haven't Been Following My Plan

•Okay, my weight will probably be up today and I will probably feel disappointed.
•I need to make this an "Oh, well," experience. "Oh, well, I don't like the fact that my weight is up but I need to accept it-without criticizing myself-and get problem-solving oriented."
•It's impossible to lose weight without making some mistakes along the way.
•Let me figure out what led to my going off plan-especially the sabotaging thoughts that got in the way-so I can avoid the situation in the future.
•If I get right back on track now, following my eating plan and using all my Diet Solution skills, I'll lose weight again.
•If I use this weight gain as an excuse to give up, I may never achieve the advantages of weight loss-feeling better, being healthier, etc.

(Now go read my list of reasons to lose weight and ask myself how important each one is to me.)

Muscle cars

2009-08-19T08:51:00.002-04:00

So everything is going much better. I got a newer car and I think my bf is on the road to recovery. I didn't weigh myself for 2 weeks, mainly because I didn't want another thing to stress me out or put me in a bad mood. I am glad I didn't because my weight stayed basically the same. I wonder when I am going to trust myself and realize that as long as I keep exercising that I can keep my weight stable. I have been consistent with trying to at least do the bare minimum (3 x a week) with exercises. I also started a resistance/weight routine which I try to do 2 to 3 times a week. I need to add some muscle, and I know that takes time. I read that most women with consistent weight training can gain at maximum, 2 pounds of muscle every 6 months. I think that is great, and even 1 pound of muscle I would be grateful for.

Life good or bad

2009-08-10T14:42:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted in a while. I have had some personal issues that have kept me from posting....and stress contributed to it. I have to say I haven't really been watching what I eat or exercising as much as I think I should. I have really slipped and need to get back on the horse again. I think that stress is hard for me personally to deal with. I actually don't know that I am stressed sometimes until I notice that my eating gets out of control. This is what has happened.

I have to say this week feels a bit less stressful already. I hope that I can get myself to stay stress free for at least this week, if not month. I am actually able to pay off one of my credit cards this month..so I think that deserves some congratulations to myself. Bravo..good job, your awesome!

Cars

2009-07-22T10:36:00.002-04:00

So my shocks on my car broke in half yesterday while I was driving it home from work. I am going to fix it for now, but I desperately need another car. It is kind of stressful to be without a car even though my bf and I work pretty close to each other. Anyway, I hope that this stress will dissipate a bit so that my life can go back to the normal calmness that I once had. I lost a little this week, but seem to be stuck again in the 186 range. I have been working out 6 days a week for the last 4 weeks, so I hope to keep it up. I feel so much better and it is a great stress relief.

Weights

2009-07-08T09:49:00.002-04:00

I have been lifting weights again this week. I plan to embark on 12 weeks of weight training to see if my body fat percentage ends up dropping any. I know that if you do what you always do..you get the same results. The 5 days of cardio with one weight training session just wasn't working for me. I was hoping I could drop more weight by doing all that cardio..but I just didn't. I am slowly creeping up. I hope to put on enough muscle so that I can have a little more leeway once in a while. I would not mind if I kept the same weight and put on more muscle..but I would rather drop weight and put on muscle..if that is possible. I can only try to see what happens. I do feel the weight training and I am sore most of the time. I look at working out now as something I need to challenge myself on more. You have to keep changing things up and you have to keep adding more weight to get better results. I guess I got stuck with my workouts, but that is so easy to do.

Money, Economy, Anxiety...it all sucks!

2009-06-30T11:12:00.003-04:00

There is just too much going on in the worldwide economy and my own personal economy right now. I will be feeling the pinch of the economy soon in my own job and I gotta tell you it really sucks. I feel a sense of anxiety coming to work everyday. I so wish I could stop all this financial crisis from happening. I also have to stop listening to NPR, because it is super depressing. Yesterday they had more about Maddoff and had his victims talking about how they are surviving...and it is not well. These are people who were once pretty well off. It is so sad.

Anyway, I have decided to turn some of my anxious energy into something more positive. I am going to weight train more and up my protein consumption to try to decrease some of my body fat. I have body fat of an obese person according to my body fat scale. This is not something I am proud of, but I think it is a result of my liquid diet I did years ago. I lost so much of my muscle and I don't think I ever got any of it back. I also hope that this is a channel for my anxiety. I just can't take being so anxious anymore. I need to burn some of the energy off. If I am tired, I won't have energy to be anxious right? A win win as far as I see it. I will keep you updated.

Is it Friday yet?

2009-06-24T08:34:00.003-04:00

It is Wednesday. I came down with some kind of stomach flu this weekend, which really sucked! I wish I could of enjoyed my weekend more. Anyway, I made up for not eating that much this weekend yesterday. I was so hungry and hot I had to stop for ice cream after work. There is very little ac at work and the ac in my car broke so it is super hot everywhere. I am a bit annoyed by it. Life is more enjoyable with ac in your car. Oh how I dream of a newer car with air! This week it is 90+ degrees and humid.

So I am reading a new book that I will post a review on as soon as I finish it. I am almost done and will probably finish it tonight. I am still hovering around 185 with my weight. I am hoping to start seeing lower number soon, but I didn't exercise much this week, some of it because I was feeling ill.

Friday

2009-06-19T08:44:00.002-04:00

It is Friday and I am feeling good about my eating and exercise habits once again. We have gotten back to cooking and things feel less stressful. We went to the dog park last night and walked around instead of laying on the couch! It was super hot and humid but so much fun. I didn't even feel that tired afterward. It is so weird how you can be exhausted after work and think that you can't do anything....then you do something and you have more energy.

I am a little bummed because I forgot my beloved iPhone today. I so wish I could go home and get it. It is such a huge part of my life. I never thought I would be so attached to a phone. I just hope the day goes by fast because I need my phone and I also need the weekend.

Weekends and sleeping and relieving stress

2009-06-15T08:46:00.002-04:00

I haven't been around for a while. My life got a little to busy. I was also super stressed. I finally feel like I have had some relaxation time. I did a "Healthy Paws" walk this weekend with my friend and our doggies. We only signed up for the 2 mile walk, but then realized how short it was and decided to keep going and do the 4 miles. It was fun but I was exhausted, mainly because I got up at 6 a.m on a Saturday. After that the bf and I just had a nice relaxing day and ordered pizza for dinner and got 2 movies off of pay-per-view. It was great.

It is Monday and for once I didn't hate the idea of coming to work. I think I needed some down time. I also went for a 4.5 mile interval walk with both doggies last night. I couldn't believe the puppy made it. She ran almost the entire time and was super cuddly and sleepy afterwards. Of course they were both super energetic this morning! I guess I didn't push my older dog to far.

After Memorial Day weekend

2009-05-27T10:56:00.002-04:00

I took some time off around Memorial Day and I was busy. I did not get to sleep in at all and am really tired today. I can't stop yawning. Anyway, I have been trying to get my weight down, but I had a bit of a gain over memorial day. I had a good time with what we ate and tried my best to be as active as I could be. I am hoping for a short week this week! I am taking off to go golfing with the bf on Friday. I hope the weather is nice. I hope I can find some things to post about today.

Have to make permanent changes

2009-05-19T08:46:00.002-04:00

I haven't been posting much at all lately due to stress and being busy. I also just can't seem to get a handle on my eating...and not to blame others, but I have been invited and been the host of too many eating get togethers. I love that Monday is Memorial Day and I get an extra day off from work, but I am hoping I can make some better choices with food on those days. For a belated Mother's Day that we hosted this weekend we made her a chocolate cake (her request) and we just finished it for leftovers. I have been eating a piece everyday with ice cream. This is not a big help with losing or maintaining weight! I also have the added bonus of TOM this week, which also makes my appetite a bit crazy.

I went to the doctor for my annual physical yesterday and I asked her if it is normal for my appetite to increase with an increase of my hypothyroid medication..and she said I shouldn't have a larger appetite. It is weird because when I started the more than double amount of medication to re-regulate my thyroid my appetite went up bigtime. I went from not having much of an appetite to a huge one..eating probably double what I did before. Is this just all in my head? I don't know, but I hope I can get things together once again. A big note to self is that having a healthy lifestyle takes dedication and permanent changes.....permanently!

Not having money does suck

2009-05-08T09:16:00.002-04:00

I am happy that it is Friday again. I had Wednesday off, but the week just felt long to me. Anyway, I hope to get a workout in after work today. The bf is going home to let the doggy out so I can eat lunch here and leave at 4. I want to promptly go home and jump on the treadmill for a half hour. I just haven't had the motivation to work out that much this week. I have been doing a lot of yoga because I have been trying to use up my package. It has an expiration date and if you don't use them you loose them.

I also think about how great it would be to join the Y. I would love to have more variety in my exercise..but I just don't have the money. I need to pay off my debt and then get another car...so I feel a little hopeless that I will never have extra money to join. It is kind of expensive to join the Y unless you have a large family. I also have joined gyms in the past and didn't go much. I have been taking a new route home from work to avoid the traffic jam...and I drive right past the Y. Wouldn't it be nice.

A permanent lifestyle change

2009-05-05T10:06:00.003-04:00

I am a little disappointed that I have to weigh in tomorrow. I am going to a baseball game tonight, a party with one of the bf's clients. Of course I am going to eat things I shouldn't and of course I will be eating a dinner full of processed foods, preservatives and probably trans fat. And to add to all of this...my weight will probably be scary tomorrow morning. I am considering a skip on the weigh-in this week..but is that just being in denial or saving me the bad feelings about it?

I also have the day off tomorrow to get some service done on my car...so I just may skip the whole weigh-in just this once. I hate saying or doing it because I am scared that it will lead to me abandoning my weight loss efforts completely. I like being this weight and I am not going to gain! I just have way too many fears because I have gained the weight back before. Uggh, I just need to rebalance myself..and hope that my motivation returns.

Can't I just rewind?

2009-05-04T08:29:00.004-04:00

I do feel that my interest has waned in losing additional weight. It seems that I have just not cared about losing..and am just trying to maintain. I know I said this before, but I think I just had too many changes at once in my life. I am still trying to get used to the new office location, the thyroid (not regulated yet) and the puppy. These are not bad things and the move and puppy have enhanced my life in many ways...but I just cannot seem to work up the motivation to start up a weight loss program again. I am hoping in the next month or so I will work up some more motivation. I have to really want to do it and that drive is just not there.

My goal is start jogging more..but what I really need to do is watch the sweets and the portion sizes. It is the food that is really getting me. I am just plain and simply eating too much.

Weight maintain

2009-04-29T08:28:00.002-04:00

I maintained my weight this week but did not lose like I wanted to. I did exercise 5 times this week so I am proud of myself for getting that in and doing my farthest distance this week on the treadmill. I once again need to lose. I am up a lot more than I want to be, so I would like to get down...as well as lose another 10 pounds. I have always wanted that. I really wonder why it isn't happening? I do need to get my thyroid levels checked soon to see if they are in normal range. I have not gone back since my bad level was checked and I needed more medication. I can't believe it has almost been 6 weeks that I have been on the new meds, but I have a lot less anxiety and feel a lot better..so my suspicion is that it is regulated. But I don't know for sure.

Nothing else really all that new except for puppy is in her 12 weeks stage of terror. She was actually quite good last night, I hope that lasts.

Friday, finally.

2009-04-24T09:20:00.002-04:00

It is Friday..finally. It is supposed to be 80 degrees today! That would be our first 80 degree day, and I am stuck inside at work. I do plan to go home for lunch and let the puppies out, but I would love to be outside today. Anyways, this week has started out well for exercising. My week starts with Wednesday and I exercised on Wednesday (instead of yoga), and yesterday. I plan on taking this evening off because we usually eat dinner and go grocery shopping on Fridays. I know we lead a very exciting life..but I have to say I really like it. It allows us to have some good meals on weekend and not go out to eat, like we are sometimes tempted to do. It is all about our healthy lifestyle change and eating out is not very healthy..or we rarely pick a healthy choice.

It's only Wednesday?

2009-04-22T09:59:00.002-04:00

I am back down under 185 again. I wrote down everything I ate last week, but I have to say I didn't exercise as much as I should of. This week is TOM, and I didn't feel all that great the last few days. Things are finally a bit less stressful or I am just getting used to it all! The puppy is really not learning the whole potty training thing lately, which is a bit stressful. She is going to training in a little less than a month. I wish it was sooner, but it was the only classes we could get into. I really hope that helps with things. I know she is a puppy, but some of her behaviors are not good.

My goals for the next week are to continue to write down everything I eat..accountability that I need, and exercising more. I did the minimum this week and I want to do 5 to 6 days of exercise this week. I also want to bring my big dog to the park more, the pups can't go until after she is vaccinated in May.

Sugar is very strange

2009-04-20T10:36:00.002-04:00

The weather is finally starting to be nice here and Saturday was great. Unfortunately, it is raining most days this week. Anyway, I had many "treats" this weekend and wondered what my tie was to them while I was eating them. Sometimes I wonder if eating this ice cream is really all that enjoyable? I wonder if I am psychologically addicted to eating sweets because it is just something I have always done? It is all just a thought because I found myself thinking obsessively about candy this weekend while out having fun with the bf. Why did I think about sweets while out having fun? I have no idea. I also gave myself a chance to eat some of the things I was thinking of, and ended up not eating any of it. I think I am going a little crazy lately..or something. It is all so strange. If I end up figuring out my weirdness I will write it here....I need to think about it more.

Looking for balance

2009-04-15T09:14:00.003-04:00

I have gained too much. I really need to buckle down and get this off. I know I can do it! The good thing out of it all is that my measurements remain the same, isn't that weird? My pants are still fitting me, but I do feel a bit bloated in the middle stomach area. I admit that I have been eating too much and I have been using food for stress relief. I have had so many changes in my life lately. I haven't been all that balanced. I am looking to bring balance back into my life and that includes a more balanced weight. I am still getting used to the changes at my job and of course the puppy. We have had her for a little over a week. She is growing and changing constantly and it is stressful when she is naughty or won't listen. Easter was also a challenge since it was Sunday and I had probably eaten all of my flex points plus some by that time. I don't know, because for the last couple of weeks I haven't written down my food intake. This is a super important thing for me. I need to keep track because I always under estimate what I eat. I have been still exercising, but I would like to ramp that up also.

I am trying not to freak out about my weight and to try to just keep the mind set that I can lose it again. It is just going to take some time for me to get used to the changes in my life and let balance come into play.

Vacation and a puppy

2009-04-14T14:40:00.003-04:00

I am back, I totally took an impromptu vacation due to the fact that we adopted a puppy! So with the Easter vacation I got from work I took another 3 days off. That was the greatest because I got to spend a lot of time with the puppy. I am okay with being back to work today and I really need to get back into my routine. I wasn't all that great with eating and exercising during my vacation. Even though I had over a week off, exercising was not at the top of my list of things to do. I wish that would of been different but I can't go back and do it over again. I am a little frightened about weighing myself tomorrow, but I will anyway. I have been at really high numbers lately and Sunday didn't help. We made pot roast, Yorkshire pudding and these millionaire shortbread things we saw on food network. They were all butter and very decadent. I am crossing my fingers for my weigh in tomorrow, but even though I will be shocked by the number I know I can get it back off. I can! This article was helpful for me to read from Bob Greene and his Best Life newsletter.

Holidays are a treat: Passover and Easter are a time to connect with loved ones and celebrate as a family. But you know what's not so sweet? The sinking feeling that you may have overdone it with chocolate/jelly beans/Matzo balls/[insert other high-calorie indulgence here]. Don't be discouraged! A few days or even a week of less-than-perfect eating won't derail you.

Although the scale may inch up during or after a holiday, keep in mind that weight fluctuations are perfectly normal. To gain an actual pound of body fat, you'd have to consume a lot of calories: 3,500 to be exact—and this is on top of what you normally eat in a given day. And even if the number on the scale does climb, that doesn't always mean that you've gained actual body fat. When you step on a scale, you're weighing muscle, bone, body fat, water (one gallon weighs eight pounds), undigested food, and waste that your body hasn't eliminated yet.

And don't forget that some foods weigh more, even when they don't provide more calories. For example, one half cup of black beans weighs about three ounces, but one tablespoon of olive oil only weighs about one-half ounce, even though they have the same number of calories. If you eat foods that are "heavier" due to their water or fiber weight, you may weigh more on the scale until all of the food has been digested and the waste has been eliminated.

So don't stress about what or how much you ate. Instead, focus on getting back on track with your workouts and healthy-eating plan.

Friday again!

2009-04-03T08:41:00.002-04:00

It is Friday and things are a bit quieter this week. I hope by about a month I will be settled in and more relaxed. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, so I feel pretty good today. I do think that is early, but I am finding that I need about 9 hours most of the time. I am also hoping to get a workout in tonight after work.

I haven't been posting every day, but I will try to post as much as I possibly can for myself so that I can continue on my maintenance and hopefully one day...further weight loss. I am completely addicted to nuts lately..namely almonds and just bought a new cereal with almonds in it. I don't know why I all of a sudden like them so much. I just have to be careful not to eat a ton at a time.

Relax and breath and eliminate stress

2009-04-01T09:30:00.003-04:00

Up again with weight and I need to get this under control. The pizza on Sunday did not help and I was so tired last night I didn't work out. I am going to try to de-stress myself and that is my goal for the week. I don't want to be stressed out and constantly worrying about things. I cannot control what happens in my life and I just try my best to be positive. The new department at work seems more stressful, but I do have control over how I react to it. I just need to get used to my surroundings more and I am hoping that my anxiety will subside. I have yoga tonight and I may start doing it more because it is so relaxing.

Changes

2009-03-30T08:51:00.002-04:00

Change is good, I have to say and it is necessary in life. I try to embrace changes in my life as much as possible. I have to say with change an amount of stress appears for me and causes me to fall back on my big vice of eating. I miscalculated the time it would take to make dinner last night in the slow cooker...dinner didn't get done until 8 p.m. and that is too late for us to eat. So what did we do? We ordered pizza, and they had a deal with bread sticks..and we both overate. I am still full this morning and it is very uncomfortable. I still ate breakfast and had my latte, but I am feeling out of sorts. I did exercise for an hour last night after pizza and it gave me a lot
of energy. I could lift a lot more and jog more. I understand that food is energy now like no other time in my life. I really hope I am not scarily up in weight this week from this pizza slip up. I had already eaten all of my flex points and didn't have many left for the day when I ate it. I really want to get back on track and I am glad I feel less tired and stressed this morning. I know I just need to give it some time.

Slowly posting

2009-03-25T09:16:00.003-04:00

My week has been really crazy and I am still hoping to get to back to normal with things. I am up in weight, but I definitely have been more active at work. It is also TOM and this is pretty normal for me. I have had a pretty good appetite this week comparatively to the last month. I wonder if a more regulated thyroid (guess) makes you have a bigger appetite? I will have to look that one up in Google. I am going to do yoga tonight and I am always really excited about it..mainly because I feel so good afterwards.

Today

2009-03-23T09:55:00.003-04:00

I officially moved my office and I have to say I really like it. I do need to put up some more things, but the lighting is better and it is cozier because it is so much smaller. I also work along side with a lot more people, not just one. I kind of like that also. I do my same job, which I like also. I was able to get in some workouts this weekend and my weight lifting was not nearly as hard as it was the last couple of weeks, so I definitely think my thyroid is better balanced now. I am going to try to get back to normal as much as I possibly can now. I hope my work schedule doesn't increase too much as a result of moving, but today I like it.

Trying to get back to normal

2009-03-19T09:28:00.002-04:00

So I somehow lost a little weight this week, probably due to stress. I finally have gotten on a higher thyroid medication and I feel much better. It is strange to actually feel more awake. I think this needs adjusting to...and my appetite really came back for me last night. I went to Moe's and had chips with queso and a chicken quesadilla..and I actually was able to eat the entire thing. I haven't been able to eat much lately, which I liked..but I don't know if it was stress or the thyroid thing that made that happen. Anyway I am hoping my life starts to calm down soon and I can get into a routine again. It is strange how routine can be so boring, but it is actually less stressful. I like boring.

Thyroid out of whack again

2009-03-17T11:15:00.002-04:00

I got a blood test last week Friday to monitor my thyroid levels and it indeed came back that I have too high of levels. I have to start taking more medication and be evaluated for it. I hope getting the proper dose will start to make me have more energy and feel less anxious. I just haven't been feeling good lately and I am glad that it has been proven to me that there was something going on. I am also glad that I recognized it enough to go in for a blood test.

I feel tired all day and I am completely tired right now. I long for this to go away. Anyway, I am going to pick up my new medication tonight and hope to feel better soon. I so need some energy and I am sick of sleeping 12 to 14 hours a day. I need some kind of life.

Re-checks

2009-03-12T09:00:00.002-04:00

I started back again at yoga last night and boy do I feel sore. I also fell asleep for the first time ever (just for a second) during savasana. All the times I have done yoga and I have done a lot of it...I have never fallen asleep. All I know is that I was dreaming about something funny that I was laughing about...I just hope I didn't laugh out loud during class. Anyway, I am going to try to call my doctor today to get another blood test for my thyroid levels. I have been so tired lately that I have been sleeping around 12 hours a day/night with naps, etc. I feel so exhausted and at first I thought it was the time change, but the bf told me last night that he thought I was sleeping too much and that I should get my levels checked. I also am very sore all the time, super cold to the point of shivers, and it all makes sense that that could be out of whack again. I think I will also request a pre-diabetes test also. Diabetes runs in my family, so it is always good for me to know what is up with that. Anyways, I still am very stressed..but I am hoping I can get that to go away soon. I just want to feel like my normal self again...and I will do anything to get back there! I am also looking forward to a fun weekend with the family.

Learning to manage stress better

2009-03-10T10:16:00.002-04:00

I usually do not have any trouble with sleeping. I often thought I had a gift of sleeping well and soundly every night. Lately, I haven't been sleeping all that well. I think it caught up with me last night. I felt pretty exhausted while watching tv and thought I would just take a small nap. I ended up taking a 3 hour nap, then getting up and going to bed at 10 and sleeping the whole night through. I feel very well rested now. I think I have gotten too much sleep. I am happy about it, but I didn't get any exercise in last night and I went far over with my points. In times of stress I don't try to lose weight, I just try to maintain. I hope I can maintain this week but it is looking like I will have a slight gain. The kind of gain I have every other week. I have been in this pattern of losing 2 pounds, gaining 2 pounds...losing a pound....etc.

It is pretty frustrating that I was doing so well with exercising, then suddenly encountered stress that has completely thrown me off. I just wish I dealt with stress better. My goal apart from living a healthy lifestyle with eating well and exercising is now finding ways of dealing with stress better. I think yoga is a great step towards reducing my stress..but I have to admit that it is expensive. I am not sure if I can afford to do it always and that is what stops me from practicing it on a regular basis. I have tried to do yoga books and dvds on my own, but the only true method for me is doing it at a class. Other ways I am reducing my stress is by making more of an effort to pay down my debt. Those two things are what I have now...and I hope to find more ways in the future. I hope that these two things alone help me to grow more as a person and deal with stress in a more constructive way. I will never be perfect, but I always find the need for growth.

Stressful times and learning to relax

2009-03-09T10:17:00.002-04:00

Wow, it has been kind of a crazy week for me. My exercising has been suffering a bit from the stress and anxiety of everything. My office is moving to another department at work and it is not an explained decision, but it does make sense. I am going to go back to yoga for some anxiety control and well-being. Yoga is probably the best thing for me mentally when I am having a hard time relaxing. The weather has been much better here and that helps with well-being as well. I am hoping to do a 45 minute workout tonight and try and get back on track with my exercising. Maybe I will do yoga...hmm.

Self compassion

2009-03-06T14:14:00.004-05:00

I found this really good article today while looking at FitSugar. It is about having more compassion for yourself while trying to lose weight and be healthy. I think it is definitely something that helped me because I stopped looking at a diet plan so strictly and started to give myself less guilt about messing up. I started looking at weight watchers as just the way your supposed to eat, with treats thrown in on occasion or even regularly, if I choose to do so (like at Christmas). I then try to get back to eating healthfully after a period of time. It feels good to eat good and that good feeling goes away when your not eating healthy and exercising. I am used to feeling good and I know what it feels like to feel good...and keeping that feeling around is super important to me.

Better this week

2009-03-04T09:07:00.002-05:00

I am down this week 2.4 pounds. I really think I had a lot of water weight last week with the cortisone shot and TOM. I did do well exercising this week and did 5 days of 45 minute workouts. I pushed myself hard to jog and walk fast and made my goal of 3 miles in 45 minutes this week. I feel a lot better, more fit and my foot is feeling good also. I want to continue the 45 minute workouts and continue to up my intensity. I am used to doing 45 minute workouts now, I do a 30 minute treadmill on my weight training day. I did okay with eating this week, but I didn't write down what I ate on Saturday and Sunday. That is the third week in a row that I have done that. I would like to get better about it. I just have so much fun on those days, that the last thing I want to do is to get out my journal and write down what I ate. But I should, because I still have weight to lose.

Good excercising

2009-03-02T09:59:00.002-05:00

I had a pretty good weekend, but it was not long enough. I also got some good exercise in on Saturday and Sunday. I have been super addicted to nuts this week, it is quite strange but I was craving them. I love pecans way too much. They have more fat than almonds, but taste so much better. I just wish I would incorporate walnuts in, and in something besides brownies and ice cream. Chocolate has also been a big craving. I hate cravings, if I just could not have them I wouldn't have any kind of weight problem. I just crave sweets.

I like excercise, I just don't love it

2009-02-27T09:16:00.002-05:00

It is Friday! I just love the weekends because I love relaxing and sleeping in. I did exercise last night and I am very tired this morning. It was really hard for me to get up. I have been trying to push myself more on the treadmill because I started slower than usual to work myself up to 45 minutes. My stamina just wasn't there until now. I don't know if it is sad or not that an extra 15 minutes of exercise made me super sore and tired for a couple of weeks. I guess I would of thought an hour would do that, not 15 minutes. I guess it is whatever the body is used to. My body likes to increase at slower paces...my friend went from no activity to running 4 miles in an hour. I don't think I would or could do that, it sounds like torture. I have to say I enjoyed my workout last night and I have been enjoying it. I didn't think I could renew my interest in exercise. I had a hard time exercising 30 minutes and walking during Christmas. So weird how things wax an wane. I now have dreams of running or feel like my body just needs to move. I am sure I could stop exercising at this point but I don't want to..and that is a great thing!

Mouse wheel

2009-02-26T11:13:00.003-05:00

I am super hungry today, not sure why but I am trying to fill myself up with some wholesome foods. I have been eating cereal for a snack, mainly because it has a good mix of protein, fat and carbs. Anyway, not much to report except for trying to continue with my healthy week and not go over in points. I got my hair cut last night so I didn't exercise. I hope to do it tonight...but not sure if I will do it until Friday. I don't have to cook tonight..I should..uggh. I am trying to do at least 5 days..no less, but more if I can. 6 days is best, but hard to fit in. It is getting easier to do the 45 minutes than it was before and somehow I feel a bit more fit. My foot is starting to feel a lot better, it just is sore after my workouts...but I can deal with that.

Frustration may be at its highest level

2009-02-25T10:10:00.004-05:00

I am up this week. I had my cortisone shot in my foot and I only got in 3 days of excercise. I also have TOM this week. This makes a big difference in my week. I may also just start to be in maitaining mode because trying to lose weight is starting to make me crazy. I am torn between wanting to lose and knowing that it is going to take a lot of reform just to lose 5 pounds. I know it may sound like a cop out, but perhaps this is a weight my body is happy with. I really don't want it to be that way, but unfortunately my weight isn't budging much no matter what I do. I am proud that I am now doing 45 minute workouts and they don't make me feel sore and horrible. I also added more fruit and cut way down on my candy/sugar intake. If those things don't produce weight loss, I am at a loss as to what to do. I think I am making healthy lifestyle changes that should produce results..but I know everyday I am getting healthier and it is good. I just ask my body why these things are not enough for it to let go of this extra 10 pounds? I am frustrated and I will just try again this week and every week to come...but it is just hard.

Life and its little ups and downs

2009-02-24T09:10:00.002-05:00

I was feeling bad yesterday. I messed up our dinner and added the wrong spice..so we had to go get Jimmy Johns. I have never done that before. I guess I was having a really bad day and didn't know it until I got home. I have to say it is hard to get out of the blahs. I don't always snap right back, but I attribute this snap back to my 45 minute interval walk last night. I actually started feeling better while I was on the treadmill. There have been so many studies done that say exercise is a natural antidepressant, and I believe it. But it is also my TOM starting today/tomorrow, so maybe it is a hormone surge or something. So strange when your feeling good most of the time to have a really bad day where you can't think and you can't get out of a bad mood. I so hate those days. I also still am dealing with a hurt foot, so that puts me in a bad mood because my foot hurts bad after getting off the treadmill..but I felt so good I didn't care yesterday.

Winter blues

2009-02-23T09:03:00.002-05:00

I haven't felt like posting or even journaling my food intake lately. I think the whole foot injection thing really threw me off with things. I just haven't had any energy and haven't felt good for the last week. The bruises are finally healing though and it is feeling better..but it just isn't great yet. I did buy some new jogging shoes, but those are not broken in so they are bothering me a bit too. Uggh, and the snow..it went away and now it is back. Yuck. I really cannot wait for better weather, except it starts raining big time when the snow is gone and that isn't much fun either...but at least it isn't freezing. I am starting to feel like I am just trying to get through it, the weather. I miss having a March vacation and I am really staring to feel burned out. I hope I start feeling a bit better.

Foot feeding

2009-02-19T08:59:00.002-05:00

My foot is feeling much better today. I have been really resting and elevating it. I did nothing but lay on the couch last night with my foot up. It is nice to step and not feel pain and aching. I am hoping to resume exercise either on Friday or Saturday, but I am in need of replacing my shoes. They are now a year old and really do not have much padding or support left. With my feet, I need to replace them more than that....I need to remember to go pick up a pair on Friday. I just hate how expensive they are, but it is a needed investment.

Anyway, I didn't have a great day with eating yesterday because it was raining and I was craving chocolate chip cookies. I dipped into my flex points a little more than I wanted to, but luckily I do not think we are eating out at all this week. So it should be fine.

Don't take excercise for granted

2009-02-18T12:03:00.004-05:00

I have say excercise is a good thing and helps in weight control. I managed to actually lose weight this week, even though I didn't eat all that well. I went overboard on Valentines Day to a point of uncomfortable fullness, but I excercised 45 minutes 5 days last week and my weight is down. I really wasn't expecting it, but I am happy about it. This makes me think that my body likes 45 minutes and is willing to perhaps let go of some weight if I work out for that time. Who knows? I will try to see what happens next week.

I just got a cortisone shot in my foot yesterday, so excercising has to take a little break this week. It is still quite sore today.

Learning to know when to stop

2009-02-16T09:43:00.003-05:00

Wow, I learned something new this weekend. I think drinking somehow makes you able to eat more or not recognize that you are full already. I had 2 glasses of wine at dinner out and I knew I was full..but not as full as I felt 2 hours later, the rest of the night and the day after. I must of ate a lot more than I thought and the wine made me not realize it. I am not trying to blame overeating on wine, but I really thought that I wasn't THAT full. I have not been that uncomfortable in a long time. Sleeping was almost impossible and I had what I think was acid reflux. I am not kidding. Just one meal was enough to make me feel ill. I guess my body isn't used to that. I think I probably should stay away from the alcohol when going out to eat next time. I love a good glass of wine on occasion, but I have to learn some kind of lesson from our Saturday meal. We were both stuffed to the gills with food and that made for an uncomfortable night. I guess our eyes are still bigger than our stomachs when we dine out. I am grateful that we cook low fat healthy meals at home, otherwise we would of been gaining the whole time we have been together. We simply eat more and go way more overboard when dining out together. I am afraid to weigh myself this week..uggh.

Valentines

2009-02-13T09:26:00.002-05:00

I didn't post yesterday and I couldn't think of anything I wanted to post today except for Happy Valentines Day! I am excited to go out for a romantic dinner tomorrow night with the bf. Hoping I don't eat too much food and chocolate, and just try to enjoy myself.

Up 1.8

2009-02-11T09:37:00.002-05:00

I had a gain this week and I deserved it. I was sick and did not cook or exercise much last week. I hope to reverse most of this next week, but I have been having pain in my foot and really tight calf muscles. I hope to start feeling better soon with that also. So many things come into play with a healthy lifestyle and it is a lot of work sometimes, but I try to make it my habit or the way things are usually. I think that helps because I am so a creature of habit and routine.

Weather, foot, gain...uggh!

2009-02-10T09:16:00.002-05:00

We are having some sort of a warm-up this week here. It is currently 48 degrees, but it feels like 43 according to the Weather Channel. Michigan weather is so weird every year. Anyway, it is supposed to get colder during the end of this week..I just wish it would stay when it warms up. It is like a cruel trick. You get used to the slightly warmer weather and it gets cold again and it feels super cold..because your not used to it anymore.

Anyway, my foot issue (ganglion cyst) is acting up again so I have to go in for another cortisone shot. This is one of the most painful things I have to do regularly. It makes me cry and scream and squirm. In the long run though, it makes my foot feel good. I just have to take that first few days off from exercising because I can't feel my foot. I am hoping for an okay weigh-in Wednesday morning (I just hope it isn't really bad). I worked really hard the week before last and if I went back up to 185 I may cry. But if I did, I will get it down again...right? Right.

Oh crap

2009-02-09T10:36:00.002-05:00

Wow, I have been sick. I got a super bad cold and the bf got a cold plus a sinus infection and he had to go to the hospital. All that feeling bad led to a lack of cooking and exercise for this week, which I am disappointed about since I was doing so well. We had to order out because both of us were to sick to cook. So it was pizza, Chinese and fast food for most of the week. We then made a super filling dinner last night and I had no idea what the calories were but I was super full from it. Uggh, it is not easy to eat well unless you have the time and health to cook for yourself. Anyway, I am hoping to reverse some of this this week and from now on. I am sure I will have a gain this week and I am bummed. Bummed about a lot of things right now. I just gotta keep going and doing the things I need to do.

Down 1.4 and a little grumpy today

2009-02-04T11:18:00.002-05:00

I haven't been in a great mood today but I am down 1.4 pounds this week. I am happy about that and the 45 minute workouts are giving me results. I am a little sore, but I am hoping that will go away soon. That seems like the only downside..well, besides the extra time. If this helps me get past my 180 plateau, it is worth it to me. I am super hungry already and it isn't even noon yet. The sun is shining which is good, so I am hoping I can cheer up a bit this afternoon. I went to bed last night before 9 p.m. because I didn't feel good and was really sore. This somehow made me feel grumpy.

Sore throat

2009-02-03T09:50:00.004-05:00

The bf is super sick and I think I am coming down with something now. I felt fine this weekend, but now I am getting a sore throat. I have been doing really great this week and did 45-60 minute workouts all week. My right calf muscle is super sore, which kind of sucks. I am taking today off from exercising and it is a good thing since I am feeling a bit ill and the soreness. The only thing I hate from exercising more is the soreness. I know the soreness is good though because it means I am getting stronger. I have also done really well with the cutting down on candy although I felt a bit too full from the pb smoothie I had last night. I think there was too much oil in it because I used a new natural pb and it always has that top of oil. I maybe didn't stir it as good as I should of. Anyway I am off to be productive, I hope.

Just a quick post

2009-02-02T10:08:00.002-05:00

It is Monday and the bf has been sick all weekend. I also have way too much work to do. I feel stressed and sore from working out a lot this week. I wish I could relax a bit more. I am trying. I really hope I don't get sick from the bf. We pretty much stayed away from each other all weekend. I have been doing quite well this week and weekend and hope to get in another 45 minute workout tonight...even though my back is quite sore from all the inclines.

Fridays are almost always good days

2009-01-30T09:20:00.002-05:00

Today is Friday! I am so glad..it has been a long week and I wasn't sure I would get through it without taking time off. I have been stressed because of the people around me are stressed. I cannot help but get stressed with that. I know it isn't my stress but the bf being stressed effects me the most. I don't like it when he isn't happy or content. I did great with eating yesterday and the bf and I ate or first salad for dinner. Yes we have never made a salad for dinner, but I have to say we both enjoyed it and would eat it again. It was just a classic chicken salad and we ate 1/2 pound of chicken on it each. It was 8 points, which isn't so bad and we put it atop spinach leaves mixed with some romaine. I then had my usual hot cocoa with ff milk for desert. I am going to try to get in my 45 minute interval walk before the bf gets home today. I feel really good today and not sore at all. I don't like being super sore and I try not to push myself to that level because it just isn't comfortable. I like to push myself in small increments and being a little sore is more of what I try to achieve on a regular basis.

45 minutes

2009-01-29T09:23:00.002-05:00

Once again it is dark and snowy and just awful weather here. It is really getting depressing. Last night I increased my workout time to 45 minutes and really pushed myself. I am a bit sore today, but it wasn't that bad. I am hoping I can get used to doing just 15 minutes more. Why does that seem like more when you are on the treadmill? Anyway, I made a deal with myself that if I workout at a good pace and follow up with stretching and abs I can count 4 activity points for it. I have been wanting to do this for quite a while now, I just got lazy. I just hope I can keep it up. If not I will just go back to 30 minutes. I don't want to dread my workouts or not want to workout because of anything I add. I just read so much about how you should workout an hour a day and I think I am in good enough shape now to do that. We shall see how it goes and of course I will report anything on here that I do. It is so great to look back at this all.

Increase intensity/duration of workouts

2009-01-28T09:11:00.003-05:00

I maintained this week which is a bit surprising to me, but it is my TOM this week so water gain might of been why my weigh-in yesterday was 185. I don't know how else to explain it, but I am glad that it went back down. I did work hard this week so I think I deserved to lose, but it will just take me some time to get going again. I just keep trying and not gaining is always my goal. There are a few pair of jeans I want to wear in my closet that still don't fit me. I would love to wear them this summer and about 10 pounds would probably get me in them. I want to lose the 10 pounds slowly though and make small improvements in my diet and exercise so that I can maintain it. This week my goal is either to work out harder or extend my time of workouts to 45 minutes. I don't have to go crazy with it, just do some more interval jogs or add 15 minutes.

Frustration

2009-01-27T09:24:00.003-05:00

I am a bit frustrated with losing weight this week. It is my TOM, which I can blame it on...but I got on the scale today and I was back up to 185. I have been eating really healthy...I haven't went over on points...I haven't been eating candy, cakes, sugar. I exercised 5 days this week already. I guess I don't really know what is up with that? I could also attribute it to my thyroid not being regulated. I do need to check that. Hmmm. I just really hate being stuck and not being able to get unstuck. I wouldn't change anything with the holiday eating, but I gained this 5 pounds and it is really annoying because it doesn't seem to want to come off. I have been really happy with my eating lately..it is just such a shame. All I can do is to keep trying and hope it will eventually come down.

Weekend

2009-01-26T09:26:00.002-05:00

I had a good weekend, but I didn't get my full Sunday rest day that I usually do. I am kind of tired today as well as really hungry. I usually don't get hungry until after 10 a.m., so I guess it is just one of those days. I hope the work day goes fast so I can relax at home tonight. The most exciting thing is that on Friday we got our satellite dish back. I was so happy and got caught up on the shows I missed..for the most part.

Excessively tired

2009-01-23T09:08:00.002-05:00

I am so tired right now. I have been sleeping more lately and I don't really know why. I fell asleep during the office show last night, our antenna is working so we now have 8 and 13, but I was so excited to get to watch it...then I fell asleep. I went to bed at 10 p.m. once I woke back up again. I slept through the entire night and then could hardly get out of bed. I am still tired now. Uggh. I hate being tired.

If it continues I think I will get my thyroid re-checked. I am hypo-thyroid and I usually get it tested 2x a year anyway. I did get a work out in last night...but not a very strenuous one or anything, one that would lead to being this tired. I really hope the sun comes out today, I would love to see it. I am excited for the weekend because we are going out for sushi and seeing a movie. I love doing that!

TV is an addiction

2009-01-22T08:47:00.002-05:00

It has actually warmed up a bit to the 20s this morning. Yes that is warm for Michigan, especially when it has been below zero for most of the last couple of weeks. It is strange but it feels almost like the first 70 degree day in the spring or something. Anyway, our satellite tv dish is still out with the big snowball on the lens (and too high to get off)...so I haven't watched any tv in 3 days. I actually realize that I have a lot of time to do other things, not that I don't like having the option of watching tv. I just have been getting a lot of other things done with my time after work. I always thought I was just too tired and now I am realizing I really am not.

So perhaps not having tv is a blessing in disguise? I don't know, I do miss certain shows but I am getting used to not having it. Don't get me wrong I still want it..just maybe I can watch less.

Losing

2009-01-21T11:36:00.002-05:00

I lost 1.2 pounds this week. I have really been trying to get back on track with healthier eating and cutting down on candy/sugar. It is tough, but I do feel better without the sugar highs and lows lately. I just need to find some alternatives that stick and I am not sure if I have found them yet..but I will keep trying. I am pretty hungry for lunch right now so I am going to cut my post short a bit.

Inauguration day

2009-01-20T08:58:00.003-05:00

It is inauguration day. I am so happy that Obama is taking office. It is exciting, but it is hard to enjoy at work. However, I downloaded a streaming npr news app on my phone. I am listening to the events on it. Also, our satellite tv is down because of snow and ice covering it. The bf says this is the first time this has happened. I kind of wanted to watch the inauguration events at 9 p.m. tonight...but I don't think I will be able to. Last night I only watched tivo'd shows then I worked out. I have to say it is nice to unwind after work with tv. I also love so many of the shows on Monday and Tuesday nights. I am bummed, even though I know I can find a myriad of other things to do.

I have been weighing myself often this week and have also been trying hard to cut down on the candy and sugary snacks. For some reason it isn't going down as much as I thought it would. But at least it is going downwards. We shall see on Wednesday morning. I know I have lost, but I guess you always just want more.

Mondays

2009-01-19T11:57:00.002-05:00

It is Monday and really cold, but a little sunny. Sun is good. The weekend did not last long enough for me, so I have a little case of the Mondays. On the other hand I have been trying to cut down on sugar and have been doing pretty well at substituting healthier things for my candy bars. I love smoothies and have been doing those. I have been making the peanut butter banana one lately. It is quite filling..that makes up for it being 6 points. I also purchased pudding, because I figure calcium is much more healthy than candy as well. I have been trying to exercise more, but on Saturday it just didn't happen thanks to Rock Band 2.

So I am hoping I am down from the 185 weight I got up to last week. I feel a bit better and I just continue to work on things. I still wish I was going on vacation to a warm, sunny place...but oh well. Next year. It is better to save the money.

Procrastination

2009-01-16T09:02:00.003-05:00

I had plans to get up early on Thursday and Friday and exercise, but of course I didn't do it. I have been really tired lately and mistakenly drank a triple shot tall latte Wednesday night too close to bed. I could not sleep at all and resulted in a zombie mode on Thursday and extra exhaustion last night. They offered me the extra shots for free..I couldn't turn them down. I wish I would of.

Anyway, the below zero cold spell is supposed to let up this weekend. It will then be back to the 20s and then the week after that, the 30s. Woo hoo. I am so looking forward to 40s, 50s...and up. No snow would be nice also. I plan on exercising when I get home today because I don't have to cook. The only thing I don't like about that is being sweaty when the bf gets home. There are way to many excuses for me not to exercise. The thing is..is that it makes me feel better and sleep better. I know it is good for me and I do want to do it. It was just making a good time for it this week that has been a problem.

I just have to keep wanting to make changes. I am still trying to cut down on sugar period. I have done okay...but yesterday I had a lunch out and ate a cookie bar thing. It wasn't that good either. I am thinking of trying that new Truvia sweetner in my smoothies..I wonder if it is good or somewhat okay for you. I think I will read up on it.

Stress

2009-01-15T10:31:00.002-05:00

I think this is just the time of year for stress. Not only is the weather crap but people are under pressure for all kinds of things...including getting their taxes done soon. For some reason the bf has more work than he could possibly do at his job and that is really stressing him out. I have been trying to weather the stress storm, trying to not use food as a coping mechanism, trying to exercise. Why does all this stuff require so much darn effort? Why am I not one of those people these things come naturally for? Anyway, I am just taking things day by day and trying to keep a good attitude about it all.

I have a department lunch today and then a birthday celebration later. I really hope I don't overdo it. I am making something healthy for dinner tonight...and I am really looking forward to it. The weekend cannot come soon enough!

Warning signs

2009-01-14T10:53:00.002-05:00

I am quite unhappy with this week's numbers. I think I took the week for granted a bit and just thought my weight would settle in the downward phase. Well, it didn't. I really need to watch my portion sizes and my sugar consumption. I didn't go crazy eating, but obviously I ate to much and exercised to little. I also wasn't good with drinking my water. I really need to re-motivate myself again so that I can loose this 5 pounds I gained. I am disappointed, but this is my wake-up call to push myself more with exercise and eat better. I am not going to blame anyone but myself for this. I know I did not go over in calories this week by 6,000...so in a way the weight isn't all real. But that number means I have to work harder at it to get it down. I know I can do it! I know I can lose 5 pounds.

Snow go away

2009-01-13T11:03:00.002-05:00

It has been busy this morning. I wasn't feeling well yesterday so I stayed home from work. I have been having stomach issues. I don't know if it is something I ate or a bug. Anyways, I have been trying to eat a lot of basic foods for the stomach. I snacked on saltines all day yesterday, not sure if that was a good thing...since I didn't drink any water hardly with them. I am hoping I can get things back to normal today with eating and not suffer too much. So far so good. I am also hoping to get in some exercise tonight, since I wasn't up to it yesterday.

I read something interesting this morning. Bob Greene is coming to the Meijer down the street from my house. I guess only the first 350 people there get to meet him. I am sure it will be mobbed. That sounds so boring for him since the airport is within 15 minutes of the Meijer so he will not get to see much of the city. Oh well, it is super snowy and cold today and we are supposed to get hit with another blizzard this afternoon. It is getting so depressing to have so much snow. I feel like my mood has changed so much from last week to this week. I am still in a relatively good mood, but not like last week. I blame the snow...go away!

Chocolate dreams

2009-01-09T08:55:00.002-05:00

I am glad it is Friday. I could hardly get up today..and my good mood is starting to slip a bit. It is so hard to be in a good mood when everyone around you is in a bad mood. I hate that, it always ruins it for me. I think most people in Michigan in the winter are always in a bad mood. Maybe the lack of sun does that to them. I don't know where my good mood came from, but I think it was the 2 1/2 weeks of Christmas vacation I had. That was so great. I needed a good long break like that. I am a little sad that we are not going on vacation this year..but it will be relieving that we won't have to be broke either. It is hard to recover financially from our vacations, we need to start saving for them..or at least I do.

My desire to cut down on sugar is working quite well. Since I had extra points last night I ate 1 1/2 sloppy joe's (have brown sugar & ketchup in them though) instead of just one....and I was so full I couldn't even think about desert. I hope I can continue...but I love love love chocolate and keep dreaming about it.

Slip of the mind

2009-01-08T08:57:00.002-05:00

It is Thursday..almost Friday. This week went fast for me and I was in the best mood ever...probably because of my long vacation. It is really snowy and cold here, but I think I may be getting used to it. I just wish it wasn't so dark. I excercised last night and hardly remembered that I did this morning when I went to write it down in my journal. That is so strange..perhaps it was to easy or something.

Anyways, I have been trying to not push myself to do things I don't want to do. It can wait...like taking down the Christmas tree. It is so pretty, so why not leave it up a little longer?

Best life week

2009-01-07T12:17:00.002-05:00

I had a better weigh in this week. I was seriously worried about last week, I was way up. Probably some of that was attributed to TOM though also...but I am on the right track. I have to say I have been watching Oprah's best life week and I do like the attention it gives to getting healthy. It is rubbing off on me slightly..for I have been trying hard to cut down on my sugar intake. I know it is not good for me, and I have been acting like a total sugar addict. I had a fruit smoothie for desert last night and it was delicious.

I am going to try to have a protein with my desert and see how well I do with that. I know I can fight this sugar problem. The main reason is that I want to ward off any possibility of diabetes.

Diet crazies

2009-01-06T10:29:00.004-05:00

I have been in a very good mood lately. I think that the January diet craze is effecting me positively. I have been watching Food Network and they have healthy cooking on it all week. I also have been watching healthy cooking shows on FitTV and Discovery Health. Both the bf and I have so many ideas on what we want to cook, we are planning our weekends around it. I heard that most people don't gain all that much around the holidays. They gain around 2 pounds on average, and it is important to get that off...but 2 pounds causes all those diet commercials to spam the tv like crazy? I guess I don't really get it...but I have never been a resolution type of person. If I want to loose weight there is usually no right time for me to do it. I just do it whenever I can. I started losing weight I think around July in 2007.

I have to remind myself that eating snacks between meals is a good thing for me. Yesterday I had two snacks during the day after breakfast and lunch and didn't go home hungry. I actually ate less at dinner and didn't crave a big desert. Eat snacks..who cares if you go home with less points!

Back to routines

2009-01-05T10:49:00.003-05:00

I am back and had a wonderful holiday vacation. I so needed that. I feel so relaxed now, I am hoping to stay this way...forever. Anyway, I got a lot done. I painted the bedroom and it looks lovely, I am now looking for curtains and new lamps to add in..as well as a little bit of decor. I look at the painted room with pride in my painting skills. I actually think I am pretty good at it.

Anyway, I ate a lot during the holidays. Is that a surprise? I also didn't journal, but am back to it now. I also did my Wednesday weigh-ins on both weeks. The second week number scared me and I hope this week it is better. I have gotten back to my regular exercise routine as well. I am not worried about what I gained and I have no regrets, not even with all the sugar cookies I ate! I know that I can loose this extra weight and get on with things.

I am not into resolutions, but I would like to lose 5 pounds. That is my goal and when I get there, I may want to loose another 5 pounds..who knows? I am just happy that the holiday eating is over...I just wish my vacation wasn't.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-18T10:09:00.002-05:00

I had a good nights sleep last night and I feel good, but maybe it is because this is my last day of work and I have a break until January 5!! I also have way too many cookies on my desk. So anyway I am taking a break from my blog, it may be until January 5th, but I may get bored and try to sneak in some posts before then. I really need the break and I am going to paint our bedroom. I get excited about good changes, especially decorating. I just wish I had more money to do more. One day I will have the whole house the way I want it, then I will probably want to change it again. So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to anyone who is reading or passing by this blog.

Starting to want the holidays to be over...really badly

2008-12-17T09:53:00.002-05:00

Oh yes, I knew it was coming...a gain. I ate way too much yesterday, and that contributed to being back up. So all I can do once again is write down what I eat this week, and exercise as much as possible. The whole journaling food thing really helps me and I did not do it for the majority of last week. I have this week to bring things down and hope that Christmas doesn't blind side me. I will eat what I want in moderation, but I cannot go on a free for all. I know that I will gain if I do that, and I don't want to gain.

This Christmas has been a lot harder than last Christmas. I have relaxed a bit on my eating. I know I can't get away with doing that, but it is a struggle. I have cookies from a co-worker sitting on my desk right now...and more will be coming tomorrow. It is so hard not to eat them and it is so nice that they make them for me. I will honestly be glad when Christmas and New Years is over, because then people won't be contributing to my food problem. Not that it is at all their fault, I put the blame on myself.

Furnace down

2008-12-16T09:15:00.003-05:00

I got home last night to discover our furnace was not working. It is super cold in the house, so cooking is not happening. We had hot dogs last night, but it is Tuesday and the day before my weigh in day..and I don't really want to eat out. I had a hard enough time already this weekend...I hate when things like this happen. I am hoping we can find the part to fix it today and get it to warm up the house tonight. It was one of the coldest days yesterday here...I think it was 10 degrees or something like that. Anyways, I can feel the stress coming upon me again. I really just don't want to be stressed right now. I need more time off...I wish Christmas break was this week..and not the next.

Too much

2008-12-15T12:21:00.003-05:00

I have to say I had a little trouble this weekend with food. The month of December has been a huge partyfest for me. I did not plan for this, but how can you? So many people are asking us out for dinner and I am not able to choose the place. I really cannot believe that so many restaurants here still don't have healthy options. I went to a local place to eat with the family on Saturday night, and out of no healthy options opted to get a grilled chicken sandwich. I ordered it w/ no mayo and they put a crapload of mayo on it anyway. I managed to scrap most of it off, but still. I felt bloated and stuffed after I ate it. I kind of think it was swimming in butter to. They had no salads and their special was ribs, which everyone else got with fries. I did eat some fries too..and they were probably the greasiest fries I have had in a long time. I am afraid to weigh myself and I am hoping for an okay number this week. I also had the bf Christmas party with heavy heavy appetizers on Friday, then the bf talked me into the Chinese buffet on Saturday. Uggh, too much crap.

Tired so tired

2008-12-11T09:06:00.002-05:00

I am super tired today. I did not sleep last night due to a stomach ache. I woke up at 2 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep until around 5:30 a.m., then I couldn't get up for work and arrived 15 minutes late. I am still tired after my morning latte. I am thinking I need to take some time. I am definitely off tomorrow, but I am even thinking this afternoon. When I am tired I eat a ton more to compensate for the lack of energy. That is why I try to take it easy. I also need to find a dress for the bf's Christmas party tomorrow. I thought I could wear jeans, but then he told me I couldn't. So I have nothing that fits me to wear. I have summer dresses that fit, but no winter dresses. I am so tired that I am not in the mood to shop. Yaaawwnnn.

Feeling hungry today

2008-12-10T09:38:00.003-05:00

Okay, I did loose a little this week..but I am kind of tired of posting the little ups and downs of my weight. I am doing quite well maintaining and I just want to keep up with what I am doing throughout the holidays. Also, if you want to be added into this blog for comments...please don't include links and please do not solicit weight loss plans, or your comment will not be posted.

I am glad it is Wednesday mainly because I get Jimmy John's for lunch. That is my weekly get out lunch and I love the Turkey Tom w/ no mayo add cucumber. We had an ice storm last night so the roads are not very driveable. I am glad that JJ's is practically around the corner. Can you tell that I am hungry? Perhaps I need a snack. I like the feeling of hunger because it means I am operating on the energy my body needs....but then again it is really uncomfortable. A survival mechanism I know. I don't have much to blog about today..so I am going to cut this short.

Stressed

2008-12-09T11:04:00.003-05:00

I have been stressed for the last couple of days. Drama at work, the weather and the holidays have made me exhausted. I didn't exercise last night because I was so exhausted. I know it is the best thing to do, but I don't know how people exercise when they are really stressed. It is currently freezing rain outside and the boiler is broken here, so it is kind of cold in this office. I am doing a countdown to Christmas and it just seems like it cannot happen fast enough, even though I don't have people's presents yet. I plan on exercising tonight, then taking it easy and going to bed early. Next week is my last full week of work, then I am off for Christmas vacation...yeah! I plan on painting our room, unless I get really lazy. I really want to put some effort into making our room special, and it gives me something active to do during the break.

The month of December

2008-12-08T09:20:00.002-05:00

I had a really fun weekend, filled with a lot of food..but isn't that what December is for? I had some strange notion that December would not be a hard month for me. Where did I get that idea from? I have parties every Friday until Christmas and they all involve food. I am trying very hard to eat small portions, but when it comes to the desserts...that goes out the window a bit. I love the desserts at Christmas...so hopefully I can get my fill and then I won't crave them ever again. Yeah, right.

Anyways, I thought I would make a conscious effort to exercise this month...but that hasn't always been that great either. The last 2 weeks, I haven't been at my optimum amount. I will keep trying..and my goal is maintenance only this month, and I am confident that I can do that. Secretly I still want to loose...but who doesn't? I hope after Christmas I will get the motivation to go crazy and loose 20 pounds...but I would be happy with 5. I also asked for ice skates for Christmas, which I think is good exercise. Perhaps I can start doing that for a little extra activity this winter. I wish skiing wasn't so expensive...and no one will downhill ski with me. I must find a ski buddy. I will start looking.

Getting ready for weekend

2008-12-05T10:26:00.003-05:00

It is Friday and really snowy outside. It took a lot longer to get to work today. I am going to a surprise party tonight for a friend and I hope it is a lot of fun, but I do have to go to it in a lot of snow. What shoes to wear is my only question? I want to wear my Ugg boots because they are so comfy and warm, but I may dare to wear less of a shoe based on wardrobe. I have a lunch today to go to and snacks and drinks tonight..I hope I don't go overboard on either one of them. The bf also wants to go to the china buffet on Saturday, then we have to go to his grandma's for a nice fatty dinner. Too much eating this weekend! I did not plan on this fork in the road, I just need to remember to eat small portions.

Guilt not related to food...finally

2008-12-04T09:28:00.002-05:00

After last night, I think I could easily replace eating with shopping. I went to the mall to get Christmas presents and to look at things I want for a list I make for the bf. I have to say that this is dangerous for me. I find things to buy for myself and I always make an excuse to buy them..such as "nothing fits me", "that has a hole in it", "I gave that to Goodwill"....all that stuff. I must stop myself. I have to cut myself off. I have bought too much and now I am looking for stuff to take back in order to make myself feel better (and stuff I don't think I will wear). The real problem is that I finally look good in just about everything. Not a problem..but a problem for the wallet. Then I turn on the radio or the TV or look on the Internet and see that several thousand more people lost their jobs this week. How can I not feel bad, awful and guilty for shopping when others don't even have jobs?

I am going to make an extra effort this year to give more to food banks, goodwill, and anything I can. I hate that this is happening and people have to suffer. I really hope that America can turn this around. I hope Obama can make a difference in inflation and help Americans live more equally with less poverty.

Up .2 after thanksgiving

2008-12-03T12:28:00.003-05:00

I guess the jogging I did on Sunday and Monday helped me not gain a lot of weight this week. Whew, .2 is fine...even though I wish I didn't gain at all. I think I should try to up my cardio workouts this month, unless it starts to feel torturous. Sometimes I get lazy and don't want to jog and would rather walk. I know walking is good also, but for this month I probably could use the extra calorie burning of interval jogging.

My stress level lately has been amazingly low for this time of year, but I did get stressed out this morning because of work. I hate it when I let stress bother me, but I feel better now that I have had some alone time at lunch. I was suppossed to go to a meeting, but being with a lot of people seemed like too much for me. I think I am a true introvert.

A little fall from grace

2008-12-02T09:21:00.003-05:00

So last night was a tough one for me. I have to say I haven't been going to bed as early as I should. Perhaps this has an effect on my eating...or I went crazy. Last night I tried to have a lighter dinner and then found myself digging into the sweets. I ended up eating rf cool whip (leftover) with chocolate graham crackers. I ate the entire package of crackers. I kind of don't feel that great today and I went about 4 points over...(I am guessing). I really need to stop with the sweets. I tried to compensate for it by doing a 45 minute super walk and jog. I have to say I am a little scared again to get on the scale, but I know I can get it off. I just have to keep up the exercise and try to get my food under control again. I threw away the cool whip, even though there was a lot left...so I wouldn't do that again.

Had so much fun

2008-12-01T10:00:00.003-05:00

I totally had a really fun weekend. I did go a little crazy with eating, but isn't that what holidays are for? I guess I enjoyed it so much it is hard for me to feel guilty. I haven't weighed myself, but will on Wednesday. The guilt might hit me all then. We had a crazy amount of leftovers, and ate them almost everyday..with pumpkin pie. I love pumpkin pie. That might of been my favorite thing the whole weekend...that and the spinach dip I made. I did get so sick of thanksgiving leftovers that I begged the bf for pizza. It was delicious. I think with all the time off that perhaps the holidays are for going a little overboard with eating. It is really hard not to. I thought I would just eat a ton one day, but I ended up eating a ton for 3 days. I also have TOM this week to weigh in on...so I am not thinking this weigh in will be all that great. I just have to get some good work outs in because I didn't exercise either. I will just try to get back on track now and try to get back down. That is all I can do.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T09:15:00.005-05:00

I am down for the week by 1.4 pounds. I was wishing for more, but sometimes you have to suffer a little to realize what you have done to yourself by having some not so good eating weeks. I hope I continue to loose this week, but with thanksgiving and all if I don't loose I am fine with that. I just hope I don't gain. I intend on doing yoga tonight followed by house cleaning. We are having thanksgiving at our house so major cleaning like mopping and dusting need to be done. It is fine if it isn't perfectly clean though. I just hope I am not too tired to clean some tonight. I actually feel quite rested right now..but that could just be the shot of espresso in my latte. I hope my boss lets me out early!

Weirdness

2008-11-25T09:33:00.002-05:00

So yesterday was a light day at work for me. I went and got my hair cut and dyed dark..a little too dark for me, but it is demi-permanent so it will wash out a bit. I am trying not to dwell, and the bf really loves it. I have been a little disappointed in the numbers I have seen on the scale lately. I have lost since last week..but it isn't where I want it to be yet. I know I have to keep at and it is kind of impossible to loose 4 pounds in a week. I have been kind of hungry though, which is kind of sucky too. I forgot about the "being empty" feeling of trying to loose. I had it once in a while lately...and when I first started losing I had it all the time. I have to somehow learn to get used to it again. I guess I understand why people may take diet pills..perhaps it is so they don't feel that feeling so much? I have to say I don't like it, but it is a necessary evil. And I just say no to any diet pills. I don't agree with them because they are expensive and not good for your health. I would only think it was okay to take them if I was morbidly obese.

So anyway, that hungry feeling seems to always get in the way of my progress. There is only so many fruits and veggies you can eat to take it away a little....and then I end up getting a sour stomach from it. I dream of the day when I am at my goal and at maitenance. Even though that is hard as well.

Mondays

2008-11-24T09:13:00.003-05:00

It is Monday and a 3 day week! I guess I can get over my slight grumpiness for a 3 day week. Anyway, things are going well and I have picked up my exercising this week to my normal routine. I feel so much better and realize that I have to pull the reigns in more heavily during the holidays because there is just so much more temptation. Even if it isn't a holiday day..you can convince yourself to eat just because it is the season. I have 3 parties to go to and I am not going to feel bloated at them....I am going to keep things in line the best that I can. And..I am not going to beat myself up if I slip up a little. I can do this, I have done it before. And feeling good and good about yourself is worth a lot more than a brownie is to me.

It is snowing right now. So far we have yet to have had snow that sticks around, but I have a feeling this will. I wish I could say I am ready for it, but I really don't want it..given the state of my car.

TGIF

2008-11-21T11:58:00.003-05:00

Okay, I am not freaking out anymore and feel much more sane again. I think I needed some extra sleep or something. I am trying my best to get my extra weight off and reminding myself that it just takes some time. In time my weight will go down again. I don't need to panic or stop eating my flex points...I just need to exercise again and write my food down.

Today started out stressful, but it is getting better. The fact that it is Friday is the best reason of all to be happy. We are going to see Bolt in Imax 3D on Saturday and I am so excited. We also are going to the Chinese buffet..uggh. I am saving my flex points for that this week. I love it, but I always end up eating too much of the fried stuff and not enough of the fresh sushi that is there.

Freaking out

2008-11-20T08:57:00.003-05:00

Ok, I have officially gotten to freak out mode about my weight gain. I ate quite healthfully yesterday and I got on the scale this morning to another gain! I know it is probably water weight gain...but come on body! I only had 1 flex point yesterday and I did yoga and WiiFit. I hope this will all be over soon, and just a distant memory of a time of too much water weight.

So because of my freak outs I got up early this morning and exercised on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I went to bed early last night just so I could get up and do it. I really need to buckle down and start being more strict with my journaling and exercise. I am starting to scare myself! I really want to stay around 180 for the holidays and not gain! After that I want to start losing again. These are my goals and I am sticking to them. My body just needs to cooperate.

Weight gain :(

2008-11-19T10:04:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was Tuesday and I weigh in on Wednesday mornings. I weighed in today to find that I have gained 2.2 pounds. I am not happy about this, but I have to say I did not have a great eating day yesterday. The power got cut off at work so we were able to go home early. I stopped at the store to get ingredients for a veggie soup I was making for dinner..and my eyes saw chocolate covered cashews....and I went for it. I love nuts in chocolate especially lately....which has never been a vice of mine before. I was also experiencing some anxiety issues (not sure why). So yesterday I overate and it was reflected on the scale this morning.

I am also guilty of not writing down what I ate this week and totally knocking off exercising. I didn't not exercise...but the time and intensity of it was just not there. I ate cake and chocolate on the weekend with no mind to how many calories I was taking in. I have to say I totally deserved the weight gain...and I am NOT happy about it. I must get this under control.

Last night I was watching a tivo'd show on Discovery called "Extreme Bodies: Super Obese" and it had so many facts and figures about weight gain & loss that it made my head spin. I have never seen such an informative show on obesity before. It is a bad and crazy cycle to get yourself into. Your body can become so efficient at keeping fat that it becomes near impossible for some of these people to keep their hunger under control. I didn't believe that these people couldn't help themselves..but I believe that their bodies are fighting against them to keep the weight on. I have no idea why a body would want to keep an extra 200 pounds though? I just don't get that.

So I must fight against my body to get this 4.4 pounds off...and I wish Thanksgiving wasn't around the corner, but it is only one day! I should be okay.

Excessive

2008-11-18T08:58:00.002-05:00

I have been a little excessive lately, but I have to say that it really made me happy. I have been eating what I want and not really writing it down and shopping for extra things for the house...even though I should be saving because Christmas is next month. I guess I felt like, it is my birthday and I can spoil myself a little. I am not sure if that is a good reason, but it felt like it was. I bought a new comforter and sheet set and it is so nice and comfy, it is even harder for me to get out of bed now! Forget working out in the morning...at least at this point. I blame my new comfy bed for not getting up to workout...yada yada yada. Man I can make myself believe just about anything. I guess that is a normal human personality characteristic..you can talk yourself into just about anything. At least I know I am in partial denial..right?

Anyway, back to reality. I really want to buckle down and eat right this week. Nothing all that special is coming up this week and I just really want to get to a lower weight before thanksgiving. I really don't have any extra leeway...and I don't want to come out of this month gaining 5 pounds that I can't get off. I did the WiiFit last night and I had my first over 40 fitness age...how can it change so much in a day?

Birthday was great!

2008-11-17T11:24:00.002-05:00

My birthday was pretty awesome, the bf got me some great gifts and flowers and a cake..I felt so spoiled it was just the greatest! Anyway, one of my gifts was the WiiFit. I wasn't sure about the WiiFit, I kind of wanted it..but knew it was hard to get...but he got it. It is so much more fun than I thought it would be! It is also more challenging than I thought it would be. I have been getting on it everyday..and it is my new favorite thing. I just love it.

Pre-birthday post

2008-11-13T09:53:00.002-05:00

I won't be posting tomorrow because it is my birthday. Anyway, things are getting back to normal after my illness and I worked out at full capacity last night. I am so glad to be well and I can taste food again. This is good, because when I was ill I reached for sweets because I could actually somewhat taste them. I kind of thought it was a waste, but it got me through the illness. I have read some articles that state that large amounts of sugar lowers your immune system..and that perhaps could be why I got the cold in the first place (other than the co-worker being ill). I have not gotten sick since March, and that was an allergy related problem.

It has been raining and dark here for the last couple of days and will continue to be throughout the weekend. This is kind of depressing and it makes you not want to go outside, but I guess it is better than snow. I was kind of hoping to take my doggy to the park tomorrow and Saturday..but the forecast is rain. Poor doggy, she needs some exercising.

Down .6

2008-11-12T09:17:00.002-05:00

I lost .6 this week. I am fine with that since I did not exercise much this week. I am hoping in the next couple of weeks to get back to 180. I think fluctuating between 180 and 182 for the holidays would be ideal for me right now. After that though I want to start working harder at getting off about 10 pounds. I think I will always have a goal of losing 10 pounds...I wonder if that is good or bad? Is it bad to always want to lose another 10 or is it not accepting yourself? I really don't know...or perhaps it keeps you wanting to continue to live healthily?

Anyway, I am hoping to get in some more exercising this week because the WoW Burning Crusade came out and the bf is binging on it, so I have more time to myself. This might be a good thing to get in more exercising and take the doggy for her last remaining days at the dog park. My membership runs out on Nov. 19, so no more happy doggy until next spring. I hope to brave the cold and take her on a couple of short walks during the week in the winter..if I can handle it. It gets really cold.

More normality

2008-11-11T09:11:00.002-05:00

I am either feeling better or I am getting used to being stuffy. It is nice to feel more normal. I lifted and did cardio last night. I got a little stuffy after the treadmill...which I took it easy on. Just 20 minutes at low intensity. I think I will just ease my way back up to more time and higher impact. I felt proud of myself because I always try to lift at least once a week, and I got it in. I have been waiting to weigh myself until tomorrow, so I don't know where the weight is exactly. I am hoping the same or lower than last week....but I just don't know. I decided once a week is fine for weighing..I used to weigh myself every day, and I just freaked myself out too much with it. Everything I read says once a week is great. I am gently easing back to my routine. The good news is that my clothes still fit great. I plan on doing a lot better this next coming week..except for this Friday, it is my birthday..and I will be going out to eat and getting an ice cream cake from TCBY. This is my tradition, and I would never think about not eating cake or ice cream on my birthday.

Getting better

2008-11-10T10:05:00.002-05:00

I am a bit better from my cold, but not fully recovered yet. That was a bad one! I haven't gotten that sick in a long time. I kind of forgot what it was like to be sick..and I have to say it still sucks! I did not get any exercise in this weekend, and the bf and I were not feeling well enough to really cook..so the eating and exercise was not great for this week. I really wanted to rebound back to 180 quickly...but I think it is going to take a bit longer. I got sick and ironically right after Halloween. I really want to get back on track.

My birthday is this Friday and I will be 34. I don't feel 34. Anyway, I have hopes of not gaining too much this week.

Feeling ill

2008-11-07T09:57:00.002-05:00

I have a cold and I stayed home yesterday. There is only so much loafing around and sleeping you can do without going a little nuts. Anyways, I haven't been sick in about a year and a half, which I am grateful for because it really sucks to be sick. I kind of blame my sugar consumption a little for lowering my immune system, but the co-worker I share an office area with is sick and I am not sure I could of avoided it.

Anyways, I don't have much of an appetite but am making myself eat because I know what happens if I don't. Once I feel better I start eating like crazy. I try to achieve some balance even when I am sick. I just try to choose healthier options...like fruit smoothies or better breakfast items like oatmeal and eggs. I am still not feeling great, so this is a shorter post.

Up .8 and making a fresh start

2008-11-05T10:25:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I weighed in today and I was .8 up from last week. I was thinking that I gained about 1 to 2 pounds, so this falls in line with it. I am now 2.8 pounds up from what I like to stay at, which is 180. I am going to take the next couple of weeks to try and get it off. I know I also have to figure in a little for TOM today..so I am hoping that the 2.8 pounds will come off fairly easy. I also hope that one day I will stop beating myself up for the times of the year where I have weaknesses for food. Halloween and Christmas..I decided are the biggest times of the year for me. The other times I usually don't go too overboard. I think this is only because I don't have any fondness for regular food..except for maybe pizza. I like regular food, but I don't care for fast food or greasy foods or overheating home cooked meals. My big problem (that everyone is aware of if they have ever read anything here) is sugar. I love sweets, and that is where my diet goes wrong. I was craving sweets hardcore yesterday..and some of that is TOM also. I didn't really give in too much, especially in the evening..I had a healthy fruit smoothie.

I also did a google search yesterday to see what I could do to stop myself from wanting sweets so bad. I did a hypoglycemia test and rated somewhere around 61% positive for it. That is crazy. But there is no medication or anything for hypoglycemia, just eating every 3 hours or so and trying to balance out your blood sugar. I did see a nutritionist before and she told me that I may be hypoglycemic also. This scares me because I have type 2 diabetes running in my family and I am really scared that I am going to get it. This is a big reason, besides vanity for me to keep exercising and balancing out my diet. I still want to loose at least another 10 pounds, but being at 180 seems maintainable for me...or perhaps it is that set point theory coming into play? Perhaps I could maintain just as well at 160 or 170..if I could only get there. Anyway for now, maintaining is my best bet with everything coming up. My birthday is next Friday, then Thanksgiving...then a bit of a break and Christmas and parties and New Years...then perhaps another look at losing another 10 pounds. I like that plan and think it is easily doable.

Go vote and try to skip the treats..if you can

2008-11-04T10:39:00.004-05:00

I voted earlier today, so I am glad I got that over and done with. I was thinking about something on my way back to work after voting. Various companies are giving away food and drink for voting...which they did get in trouble for, because apparently you can't make someone vote to qualify for the free item. Anyway, why is it that I and apparently others think they deserve a treat for voting? I seriously thought about driving out of my way for crispy kreme today..but then I stopped and reminded myself it is Tuesday and that I can wait until tomorrow to indulge myself in something. I did get a tootsie roll for voting and it made me want more sugar. I just had a crapload of Halloween candy and I want more sugar? Eating sugar (for me), makes me want more sugar..until I am eating sugar everyday and not fitting into my pants. It is a vicious cycle for me and I am struggling with the leftover Halloween candy lurking around my office. I still want to eat massive amounts of candy. I must come to my senses and get back on track. I might have to go back to having a candy bar a day again until I get over this. Why is sugar so good?

Not feeling so good

2008-11-03T10:25:00.002-05:00

I did have a good weekend, but a crazy one. I ate more candy and pizza than I should of and then followed that up with a full thanksgiving dinner at the bf's moms house on Sunday. Wow...I still feel stuffed. I went more overboard than I should of and on Saturday was ridden with guilt and concern about myself. I was fully aware of shoving candy bar after candy bar in my mouth as well as pizza after slice of pizza..but I did it anyway. I am not sure if I eat for any other reason other than that I enjoy eating...

I find it strange that people are often trying to label themselves with a condition for eating, but I have to say I just like eating...and I am well aware of what I am doing when doing it. All I can do now is try to take the next couple of weeks and try to get it off. I also have TOM this weigh in...so I am thinking it might be an overwhelming large gain. I must remind myself that the week after this will be better...and try not to freak myself out!!