What is up with the scale?

Okay, I somehow managed to gain 2.4 pounds this week. This is more than I have ever gained. I did gain 1 pound, 1 time...but never 2.4 pounds. So I am stumped by this happening and hope it goes away...fast. I know (because I journal honestly) that I did not eat the 6,800+ calories required to gain 2.4 pounds, so I don't plan on keeping this weight for very long. All I can say is that I accept that I gained weight and move on. I don't know what else to do? I just need to keep working out and I am doing 28 points this week. If I don't try to just maintain I will go insane. So as long as I need to I am just going to try to maintain.

It is always tempting to go crazy and not eat or cut my points to lose...but I honestly try to do the opposite of what I tell myself..because all those methods I tell myself have failed miserably time and time again. If it doesn't work I change it and I just keep trying to do different things. Torture is not ever a part of this.

This week has been a little tougher than I realized. I paid a large payment on my credit card and ended up overspending myself into my checking overdraft. I don't get paid until the 15th, so it is stressful not trying to spend. I still haven't sold my house and have all kinds of strange and stressful feelings about that all the time. This may be why I gained, I hear stress can do some things to your body. With all this, I never felt unusually stressed out, just more than the last week. It hasn't been unmanageable. I just keep trying and not let this weight gain devastate me. I can do it...I know I can.

Calories in a pound

So 3,500 calories equals a pound. I misquoted and said 3,400 in past posts. I have been having some issues this week with the scale going up. Yes, I got on today and was up 2 pounds and I know I need to wait to weigh myself until tomorrow...but I just had too.

This was perplexing to me because I know that I have not ate 6,800 calories extra this week, according to my journal. I have to say I didn't even gain that much on the cruise and I may of ate that amount of extra calories over. So strange, and I have a sneaking suspicion that weight gain isn't all science.

So with this event I think I am going back on 28 points again next week to keep my sanity. I know I am close to my goal, but I think I just want to try to maintain my weight for a couple of weeks or so. I feel much like I am going insane. The nice weather is playing back my old tapes of "of course you can get ice cream everyday"...once again. I have 20 or so years of old patterns to overcome and only a small amount of time with good ones. I am a creature of habit.

Yesterday I had a pretty good day with eating. I ate plenty of fruits and veggies and stayed within my points range. I then went for a good jog on the treadmill. I was pretty proud of myself, but had that uncomfortable hungry feeling that lead me once again to the ice cream in the freezer. So I was eating ice cream that hurt my stomach the day before at 9:46 p.m at night after exercising. What is wrong with me? Yes, I only ate a couple of spoonfuls...but why I don't know. It is just insanity at this point.

Good post

Okay, so Saturday and Sunday were the nicest days we have had so far in Michigan. They were a bit breezy, sunny and warm enough to enjoy being outside. These nice days always get me thinking about ice cream shops. Now, I realize that ice cream hurts my stomach...but that didn't stop me yesterday.

I usually go grocery shopping with the bf, but I went on Sunday instead without him. I passed on ice cream the first shopping trip and came home. I then realized at about 5 p.m. that I didn't have shallots for the chicken I wanted to make...so I went back to the grocery store. What did I buy? Ice cream and not the light kind. I bought Edy's peanut butter cup. It has 3 points a half a cup. I made and ate a healthy dinner...then opened up the ice cream and had myself an eating bonanza of 1 1/2 cups of the stuff.

I waited about an hour after I ate all of that, then worked out for an hour. I guess I kind of felt a bit guilty for going over 9 points for the day...but I really wanted it. Not until I went to bed did I realize what it was about to do to my stomach. I woke up at 3 a.m. with really sharp, hot pains in my stomach. I could not sleep and felt horrible. My throat was sore too. Why don't I ever learn my lesson about ice cream? Why do I continue to put myself in such agony?

I really wanted it. I used to eat ice cream everyday. I rarely have it now. Can I give it up entirely? I don't think that will ever happen. All I can do is remember that awful feeling and remind myself before I go and feast on it. I don't think I am lactose intolerant...because I drink milk and eat cheese all the time and that doesn't bother me. So strange...but maybe it is a gift to keep me somewhat away from it.

Anyway, the scale has been up all weekend...so I am not sure if I am going to get a lose this week. I think I may be heading for a 28 pointer week next week. They seem to help me re-motivate myself.

I want to thank Roni for a great post, you should read it..it is about motivation to lose weight after you have lost some, but are not to your goal.

So Happy it is Friday

I am glad that the week is almost ended. I have been so tired all week...from what I do not know....but I did not get up and exercise today. We had a friend over for dinner last night and I didn't get to bed until 11:30, which makes it impossible to get up earlier for me. I had one of those nights where you go to bed and blink and it is time to wake up. I hate those nights. I hope to get caught up on sleep this weekend. I was also thinking of leaving work earlier today (because I stayed yesterday for a meeting) and working out before the bf comes home. Thankfully I have dinner in the crock pot so I don't have to cook, but I do need to make a run to the grocery store after work.

I need a relaxing weekend. I don't know how life all of a sudden gets tiring. It seems to come on unexpectedly. I think working out gives me more energy, which I need. The good thing is is that I haven't been eating out of control with the tiredness. I usually chow down when I am tired to make up for lost energy, but I haven't been all that hungry. I am just trying to take it day by day and week by week...and chug along on this lifestyle changing stuff. Eventually I will see the scale go down to the 170s...I so want that moment.

Workouts in the morning

Yes I want to work out more in the mornings, but why is it so hard to get up? The bf and I recently got a new mattress and it has been much harder since then to get outta bed in the mornings. I am so warm and cozy...why would I ever want to get up a half an hour earlier?

I am trying to not be hard on myself for not getting up, but seriously...it is so great to have your workout done in the morning. It is so great to not to have to work out in the evening..or to just do some weights. Also statistics show that you loose more weight by working out in the morning because your metabolism gets higher and stays higher for the rest of the day.

I know all the good aspects of working out in the morning. I am blaming the bed for not going to bed earlier...cause if I go to bed earlier I can get up. Why are there so many good shows on at 10 p.m.? I have tivo I can watch them the next day...uggh. I am working on this. Tomorrow I am gonna get up...I mean it!

The scale said earlier in the week that I lost more

I was anxious to hop on the scale this morning to see what I had lost for the week and was a little sad that it was only .2 pounds. That is still great because I lost, not gained or maintained..but just yesterday it said 181.8. Anyway, I know it is water or something...and I was too exhausted to work out last night..so I am fine with a .2 lose this week. I shouldn't weigh myself the day before because it might bring false readings.

I have been losing on average, .5 pounds a week. I am okay with that. I think the slower I loose it the better. This is a lifestyle change and the changes I make slowly are leading me to a healthier weight. I am 77% to my first goal of 175 and I am going to get there..but I don't care how long..as long as I don't have to starve or workout obsessively like a mad woman. I think I have said this many times, but I think life is too short to give up things you enjoy for vanity...even though I want to be at a healthy BMI. 165 to 170 (although on the high end) is an acceptable weight for me in the BMI scales.

I guess I think there is always the possibility that once I get to 165 that I will want to keep going (seems like I always did in the past). But I want to be happy with my success and learn how to maintain this weight before I go crazy losing more. I think maintaining is hard work...and I do need to learn how to do that also. When I get to 175, I plan on doing maintenance for about a month or two and give myself a break. Hopefully I can do that and not want to obsessively lose. All of this is easier said then done sometimes.

I don't know why or how, but I am being successful

This week has been a good week for me. I have exercised regularly and have re-motivated myself to be back on track. How did I get back on track? Umm, I don't know..maybe that I just want to get to my first goal of 175.

Another thing that I have noticed is that my extra weight seems to bother me a lot more than when I was over 200. I think I was in denial about being overweight ?? I don't know how I was, but my extra weight seems to bother me more now and I really want it gone. I want no more extra hang on my tummy and for my thighs to get more firm. I don't think by any means that I have body dimorphic disorder..because I do think I look better....but I just want to take it further (and fit into my old pants). I know I will have times where it is rougher..but for now it is okay.

Last WW attempt I did not get as far and sabotaged myself at times. I had anxiety about losing weight for some reason. I still cannot figure out why...except I wasn't dating...and wasn't altogether happy with the way my life had been going. Don't get me wrong I still owned a home, had a good job and a puppy...but it always felt lonely and that something was missing. I do think humans are meant to cohabitate.

I don't have all the answers..but I keep searching and try to heal myself as much as I can every day. I really feel that I had emotional problems that lead me to overeat and binge. I still have emotional issues..but nowhere near what they were. I think learning how to deal with those really help you to get healthy. I just keep trying...it is all I can do.