Lifestyle changing roadblocks

I have to admit that my lifestyle changing roadblocks lately are stress related. I am going through a stressful time right now. I am stressed a bit from the possibility of my house being sold. The stress is that I have to pay to get rid of it. The amount is pretty high and this bums me out. I put a lot of love and money into the house to fix it up. I am sad that I am selling it. I know I need to move on, but that house was a major part of my life for a long time. It is like saying goodbye to an old friend.

So I wanted to remind myself and any reading that it is okay to take a break when your life is chaotic. There are never perfect circumstances for losing weight, but there are times when you emotionally cannot give it your all. So not only was the book I mentioned in my last 2 posts of interest to me...but taking a break was of interest to me. So maybe I need to admit to myself that it was a bit of an excuse to take a break as well as an interesting subject/point of view.

I hope I learn something

Ok, so I keep having anxiety lately about my weight (as you can read in my previous posts). One day, I hope I look back on this time and see that this experience I am having right now has helped me in some way. I always try to look at the positives.

I put my old leather coat on today and it fits like a glove. It used to be too tight. I also put on an old shirt I had that was also too tight to wear....I can wear it now! So with this I say, maintenance is a good thing! Now I just need to try to stabilize this weight!

I think this stabilization period will also be helpful when I do get to my goal because then I may be familiar with what to expect. So far I think it may take me a good month to get it under control and stabilized, but we shall see. I hope I don't loose my mind in the process.

Thanks to everyone who has been commenting lately.

A little gain and some insight

Okay, I gained .2 pounds this week :(. I really want to somehow stabilize this weight for the month. I have firmly decided I am going to try to maintain for a month. This is the start of week two of maintaining.

I ordered the "Set Point" book I mentioned in my last post from Amazon yesterday. I intend to get it on Monday. I really think there is something to it. That it is so much easier to lose the 10%, then it gets tougher. Not that it isn't always hard to lose anything...but I am hoping this will work. Guinea pig I will be. And perhaps it will reset my motivation.

I also asked myself what the rush is for losing more weight? I am not training for anything or in a contest, so it can take me as long as I need. The bf isn't happy about my decision for some reason..but I need to do what is right for me. (I know he wants me to be happy with myself).

I am not maintaining because I just want to eat more, it is more psychological for me. I think there are many emotional issues to weight. My issue is with anxiety. I have anxiety about maintaining the lost weight. I don't want to have to lose this 20 pounds ever again! I want to do it the right way.

I have lost this 20 pounds before and gained it back. I did that by trying to just keep losing all the time and never maintaining. So, if that didn't work the last time...why would it work now? And if it did could I maintain it?

Those are my anxious questions to myself at the moment.

Thinking about something

I ate 3 slices of homemade pizza last night. I got on the scale this morning..(because I am insane) and guess what? I am back to my gained weight of last week. I knew I probably should of stopped at the second piece...but it was so good. I did 45 minutes of jogging on the treadmill last night in an effort to make up for it, but it didn't really do me any good on the weight front. On the fitness end, it was great for me. I plan on taking it easy on the food today.

So hey, I said in my post yesterday that my only goal for this week was to maintain..so if I maintain that is fine :(. I have been thinking and debating about trying to stabilize my weight for about a month, this would be week one. I haven't permanently decided, but I am pretty sure. I have read certain things online about losing weight in segments. Losing 10% of your weight, then maintaining for 6 months..then losing...maintaining. I think that makes sense, and it is something I haven't tried before. I have lost a little more than 10% of my weight and I am NOT gaining it back!

You see I have been on this roller coaster before. When I lose weight, I always have this anxious feeling of gaining...mainly a fear because I have gained it back so many times before. I want to lose another 20 pounds, but I am fearful that I couldn't maintain it. I think I really need to make some major life changes to keep 40 pounds off. I have to be honest, that scares me. Trying and working so hard, only to gain it back. That is a huge ego kill and very embarrassing. I need to think of some ways that I can change my lifestyle in order to keep it off. I don't know if what I do now is enough, but it is actually manageable for me.

I am proud of myself for the changes I have made already. I like that my pants fit again and are kind of loose. But then again, I want to be in my healthy BMI range. I want to be okay with my weight and if I am in the healthy BMI range, I will be okay for health reasons as well as psychological reasons.

I read a lot of other blogs and no offense to the others, but I don't want to be crazy about my weight forever. I don't want to spend years yo yoing and freaking out over every pound. I am almost starting to think this is inevitable and it truly makes me sad. I guess part of this is genes and the eating habits I grew up with that make it difficult.

Stomach better

Well, my stomach finally feels normal today. I got better on Saturday. I still wonder if I had a little bug or something. I have been eating 28 points all this week and it looks like I will be losing some this week. I probably won't lose all of the weight I gained last week...but that wasn't my goal. My goal was to try to keep my weight steady. If my weight goes up ever, I will always just try to steady it the next week by adding in maintenance points.

My bf doesn't seem to see things this way...but I have years of weight loss experience on him, so I don't listen to him. In fact, I probably won't tell him anymore about any gains..because he usually just makes it worse. This is the first time in his life he has had to watch what he eats.

I have noticed on the weeks I eat ice cream more than once, I gain. I can eat candy or skinny cows and I won't gain, so weird. The ice cream must not get digested or something? I might see if I can find some research about that. I do know that even if you eat the light ice cream, it is a very calorie dense food.

Stomach hurts

My stomach really hurts today. I feel really full and bloated from just eating my morning cereal. This does not make me feel good and the food feels like it is coming up in my throat a bit. I keep thinking maybe I ate too much yesterday, but I really didn't. I worked out an hour and ate the 28 points + 4 for activity + 2 extra of my extra points. I guess I don't think that should make me feel like I binge ate all night long. I had to skip my morning latte because I feel so full. Perhaps I should enjoy it because most of the time I am hungry.

I had a discussion with the bf yesterday and he feels disappointed about the 2.4 pounds this week. I told him that I didn't think they were real because I didn't think I ate 6,800+ calories extra last week..but he seems to think that I shouldn't eat dessert every night. I like eating dessert. It is super hard to wean myself off of it, but I guess he is right. He eats yogurt and fruit for dessert and I really don't enjoy yogurt enough to do that. I will try to keep searching for a healthier dessert for me to have, but it is hard. What is better than a candy bar or skinny cow?

I need to remind myself

I showed my home last night then went out to dinner with the bf and some friends. I noticed that I was feeling insecure. I was feeling insecure because I was looking around and noticing how thin other women seemed to be. This somehow made me feel like I was a giant compared to them. I know I am not that big, and I realized that I need to stop comparing myself to other people. I almost do it unconsciously.

When I got home I thought about it some more and really started to think about how I let other people affect me. I don't like that I compare myself to other women and I want to start trying to just accept myself and love myself...without telling myself I want to look like her or that girl on tv or that girl in the magazine. I want to look like me. I really do like the way I look. I really do like myself and I don't want to be anyone else.

It is so easy to get caught up with how other people are. I just don't want to care about this anymore and I want to get past it. It really doesn't matter and it isn't enriching my life in any way. I also am working on being less judgemental, I can't judge someone else's life only my own.