Halloween eve

Tomorrow is Halloween! I can't believe it. I am taking the day off from work to watch scary things on tv and to relax because I probably will stay up all night, so no post. I do love Halloween because I like watching scary things on tv, although they are never scary enough for me. I had a little bit of a funk yesterday afternoon for some reason...I think my back ache finally had really gotten to me, so I left work a little early. I may of been really tired also because I went and got Jimmy Johns for dinner at 3 p.m. and brought it home....then ate it at 4 p.m. and followed it up with a warm delight brownie w/ ice cream. I went about 15 points over yesterday, but on a good note..I am not super hungry today.

I am a little bummed that I ate so much yesterday, because I really wanted to save all of my flex points for Halloween. I couldn't wait until Friday..really? I sometimes disappoint myself, but hey that is the acceptance that I can't always control everything I eat and I am going to have slip ups now and again. I have to accept it, because otherwise it leads to beating myself up..and I refuse to do that. So I am going to still enjoy what I want for Halloween, with a little moderation.

Freakin for no reason

Well I maintained this week, which I am really happy about. I was freaked out..but why can't I just trust myself that I won't gain 5 pounds in a week? Dang it...I totally freaked myself out, for basically no reason. I put some jeans on that had just been washed a couple of days ago and they were tight...so I think some of it was freaking out about that. But come to think of it, those jeans are always tight right when I wash them. My fear/anxiety of gaining back weight needs to somehow be more controlled. I know better, I really do. I think because I have gained it back so many times before that this anxiety is warranted. But how can these crazy thoughts actually help me in my life? They can't...they won't...and I need to let them go.

Anyway, I love being the size I am. I rarely feel like a big fatty and my pants fit. There is nothing wrong with that. So I am going to just try to maintain my weight throughout these holidays. That is all, just maintain. When I feel motivated and ready to try to loose again I will.

Changes in weather and moods

I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning..it is so dark outside, and that is zapping my energy. Anyway, I have been having some panic attacks about my weigh in on Wednesday/tomorrow. I am scared that I have gained a lot of weight..even though I know it is not possible to gain a lot of weight in a week. I just feel heavy..and have felt heavy the last couple of days. I really need to shake myself out of this. I also have been having a hard time motivating myself to exercise.

Last night I went to bed super early and didn't exercise because my back was still sore and I just felt exhausted. So exhausted that cooking dinner was a chore, and I really did not enjoy it. I usually do somewhat enjoy cooking dinner. I wonder why I am in this weird funk..and I need to somehow get myself out of it. I really think fall is pretty...but it is really bothering me this year. Maybe I just need to take some vacation days..it is hard to predict what you need to do for yourself in these situations. It is really hard to always live a healthy lifestyle, especially with changing seasons.

Achy and eating

It was a long weekend and I was very active in eating and activities. I am not expecting to see great a great weight on the scale this week. I ate so much on Friday and Saturday, that I could not even begin to count my points. I really tried to ease off of the sweets, but there is something about being around family and friends that makes me eat constantly. I don't always have this same problem when it is just me and the bf. Even around people I don't know very well, I can eat larger quantities.

On another front, my back is killing me from sitting on the floor and carving pumpkins for 2 hours on Saturday. I can hardly walk..it stinks and it very uncomfortable. When you have back aches you can definitely feel your age! I am hoping I can relax a bit tonight and feel better.

Crazy weekend coming

The computer network at work has been down for most of the day, so I had time to talk with some co-workers I don't see very often because I am almost always in my office working. Anyway, 2 of them told me that I look really fit and healthy. I was very happy about that. I did mention that I wasn't at my healthy BMI yet, but they both said that that didn't matter..and I don't look overweight. Weird, but very nice to hear. It made me feel good that sometimes people notice...and it isn't all about the bf (like yesterdays rant post). I was going to get up this morning and work out..but I was yet again all warm and cozy. I bought some extra blankets for the bed and that made it way to coddling to get out of.

I am taking tommorow off because I have a very busy weekend. I have a halloween party to go to on Friday night with tons of food and treats..then we are going to the apple orchard to get apples for pie and cider and kettle corn. I think this weekend will be a bit tough with points, but hopefully I can get in some good workouts.

Weight gain, weight loss

Okay I am officially the biggest yo-yoer when it come to weight. I just continue to go from 180 to 182 and cannot get out of this cycle. I was doing it before with 184 and 182..and perhaps I should be happy that I lost those 2 pounds..just it is tough..and this is a lifestyle, I always remind myself. It doesn't help that the bf has wasted away into super-thindom either. He cannot wear any of his pants, they are so sadly baggy. Family and friends go on and on about him being anorexic and all that stuff...and I can't help but to feel like shit about my weight loss efforts because they are so overshadowed by his. It is like people didn't even notice that I had lost weight. I will quit being a baby now, but it is just not fair!

Anyway, I am going to try to make my food choices a little healthier. I am going to try to eat a protein and a carb for a snack, 2 or 3 times a day. I have included nuts and seeds also into my diet...even though they are sickly high in points, but from things I have read..very good for you. I ordered a new book from Amazon and will let you know my thoughts about it after I read it. It is pretty much about healthy eating. Anyway, I have been down the path of re-gaining weight on WW before and I will not gain the weight back again! I need to make some different changes to make my diet healthier and include some more healthy fats in...that WW does not emphasize. I hope this change will make a difference in my diet and my sweet cravings...because what I am doing isn't working all that well for me right now.

Changing breakfast

So yesterday I surfed the web a bit about sugar cravings and read some interesting things. I decided to make some changes to my breakfast because I always eat the same thing. I didn't think anything was wrong with this for the longest time because I really enjoy my cereal...anyway, I am going to eat something different for breakfast every 3 days. So I can have my cereal one day, oatmeal the next, maybe a smoothie...and eggs and toast or something. Anyway, it apparently is not good to eat the same things everyday. I was really only doing it with breakfast..but still, you need different nutrients every day. I had simple harvest oatmeal today. It is tasty, but didn't fill me up nearly as much as my cereal. It was 1 point less with ff milk...but maybe I need to eat 2 packages? I guess I am used to a bigger breakfast.

I might swing by the store to pick up some bread because I haven't been eating it lately..or english muffins. I know I can eat a different breakfast every 3 days..it is not that hard. Next week I may introduce other changes..like more protein into my snacks. I think 1 change at a time is a good place to start.