Day before Thanksgiving...

I weighed in today and am up 1.8 pds. I am not super happy about the weight gain, but I lost 1% in body fat and 1" off my chest and hips. I am thinking I gained some muscle this week, and perhaps some fat..but not all a bad gain of just fat, so that is good. It also was my birthday last week and I could of miscalculated my points for my San Chez dinner or my burgers or my desserts...who knows? I also went over on points 2 days last week by about 2.

I have been trying to change my lifestyle since the end of July, but started counting points in August. I have not gained any weight since my counting in August so I guess a weight gain was bound to happen at some time. This was the most difficult week so far for me. Not only because of my 28 pt. dinner on my birthday, but also because I was so hungry for the rest of the week. It was like my body wanted to gain weight back. It is possible because the body is such a sohpisticated machine...you never know what it is thinking..even if you do own it.

I have been reading a lot of articles about weight loss and maintenance, etc. and always feel a bit confused by all the statistics they throw out. Why is all this stuff so confusing? Eat breakfast before working out in the morning, don't eat breakfast before working out....so many different opinions on what works. I know I need to find something that works for me, but it is hard to not let people (doctors) get into your head and mess you up. They do study all of this don't they?

Well, I want to get back on track this week but it is of course Thanksgiving. I am going to try to save my flexpoints for it, but feel a little dissapointed that I cannot spread them out for another week in a row. Spreading them out makes life a lot easier. I can try to do that...but I really want pumpkin pie. I will try my hardest though. I just hope this gets easier and not harder like it has been getting each week. It has been hard with the eating only right now. The excercise is not a problem for me at this point. Changing your lifestyle and habits is a tough thing to do and I know sometimes I just have to suffer through it. I have hopes that one day it will be easier. Happy Thanksgiving!

A great inspiration article I read about overcoming weight-loss setbacks!

Optimists

okay, I have to admit I am a little nervous about my scale reading tommorow. I have gone over my points a little here and there during this week. I had a hard week struggling with my food craving demons. One thing I vowed when I started this blog is that I can never lie to it.

On the plus side I was a lot more active this week then I usually am. I did leaves at my house (that is for sale) and helped at my new house on Saturday. I also took my doggy to the doggy park on Sunday for 2 hours, then went bowling. I usually work out on weekends, but am not that busy. I was so tired yesterday but I still did my workout for an hour. I am glad I went to bed at 9:30 last night, I feel much better today.

So all of those good things help to make this a little better of a week for me. I know I am getting healthier and being more active, but...I just wonder what the scale is going to say. I have been doing so well I am a little scared that I will be hard on myself if I gain. I want to get under 190 so bad. I know it is the Holidays...but I just want to keep losing.

My cruise is coming up in March and I want to be successful in losing to look good in my swimsuit. I hope I don't put too much pressure on myself and go crazy eating. I have to be nice to myself, I have to be optimistic.

Survivor and Steak n' Shake

So we tivo a lot of television. We watched "Survivor:China" on Friday night. I had made dinner and was looking forward to vegging out in front of the t.v. Anyway, towards the end they had an immunity challenge and they could choose to participate or eat as many cheeseburgers as they could while watching the competitors. Those cheeseburgers looked so delicious! I was kind of hungry and all I thought was Steak n' Shake sounds so good right now. I mentioned it about 3 or 4 times to my boyfriend and he seemed up for the idea, until he reminded me that he has a cholesterol/triglyceride test on Nov. 21st. He didn't have the greatest numbers last time. Anyway it was like torture for me not to go to Steak n' Shake at 11 p.m. at night. I usually do not deal with cravings like this. I had a lot of trouble and went for choc. milk instead so that my stomach would not growl uncontrollably for Steak n' Shake all night. Needless to say that was all I thought about when we went to bed until I fell asleep.

The next morning all I thought was Steak n' Shake. This was trouble. I almost went to get a kids meal but decided to look up the nutritional information on their web site. I did not have flexpoints left because I ate them all almost on my b-day at San Chez. So when I saw the points value on their web site that kind of made my decision for me. I made the decision to go to the store and buy some lf ground beef and 1 pt. buns. I also cut up potatoes and made my own fries. After 2 homemade cheeseburgers and fries I was finally full! Yumm...my boyfriend is really good at making burgers. I was a little doubtfounded that I couldn't eat much more for the rest of the day, but at least I didn't eat more points than I get in a day at Steak n' Shake. Weird thing is that I was not that hungry for dinner and had zero point soup and oyster crackers for it. I also worked out for an hour. Wow that was such a hard thing to get though! Cravings can be sooo hard to control. I could feel something like this coming on this week. I really wonder why this happens?

So hungry for lunch...

It is 11:30 and I am so hungry for lunch. I thought I would blog so that I could make it until noon.

Yesterday I had some bad thoughts about binge eating. I guess I get to a point where I am a little tired of the slightly hungry feeling I get. I try to substitute fruit or veggies or milk for these times..but they don't seem to work. I thought about eating just a big amount of a junk food dinner like pizza or burritto or chinese food. That thought is strange because I used to think about a big amount of sweets to eat when I would get these evil thoughts. Anyway, I went home and reluctantly made dinner. A new recipe for tamale casserole from my WW cookbook. I don't know if I like making new recipes or not sometimes. The whole chance of them not being good is a risk for me when I am super hungry or thinking about junk food. It turned out delicious and I can't wait to eat it for lunch today. It helped me though a tough day yesterday.

So today roles around and I am still thinking about how hungry I am and how nice it would be to be really full. Why do I have these thoughts? I don't know...maybe my body needs more food? I have always liked that overly full feeling for some reason. How do you all cope with this? Is there anyone out there reading this that can help with suggestions? Is it something I just should get used to? I have read articles about this and it says it is not good to eat until your stuffed...but why do you want to still?

Back to work

I am finally back at work. The college I work at is doing a building restoration and they have been scraping and painting windows in the building I'm in, so I have been here for short times the whole week. It was really loud, smelly and super distracting. I also took my B-day off.

On Tuesday, I blew and bagged leaves at my house. Currently, my house is up for sale. It has been on the market since June. I really hope one day it sells, but for now I have to keep the yard looking good. This is a big source of stress and anxiety for me. If I keep it out of my mind I seem to be okay. On the cool note, I noticed how much easier it was to bag leaves this year than last. I am in so much better shape and it feels so good to be able to do active things without feeling like I am going to die.

Anyway, I got some great gifts! I got starbucks gift cards...I am so addicted to the NF Car. Mocc. w/ extra foam it is not funny. I got roses from my boyfriend, dinner at San Chez (spanish food), a yoga package and 2 professional massages. He went a bit overboard but I love my gifts! I also got a TCBY yogurt cake and had the whole family over to eat it. I am so glad the cake did not sit around and wait to be eaten by me. I always get the peanut butter cup roll cake for my birthday and before the last 2 years, I would eat it by myself for the week. I would easily eat half of it on my birthday and then finish it off for the next couple of days. It is so much better just to have your family over to eat it.

I also had my flexpoints renewed so that came in handy for San Chez and cake. I did feel a bit off for the night and woke up at 1 a.m. super thirsty and had to get water. I guess my body isn't used to the salt and sugar. I worked out yesterday also, which helped me feel a bit better.

When my family was over for cake all they did was complain about their weight. I paused for a second and thought...did I act like that?...YES. I decided I am not going to do that anymore or gloat about my weight loss to them. If they ask I will tell them, but I don't want to be annoying so I am done with that. I really have nothing to complain about in my life except maybe the house not selling.

It's my birthday...

It is my birthday and I took the day off from work. I have been lazy all day and now I need to get ready to go out to dinner, so sorry for a short post. I will post more extensively tommorow. I lost 1.4 pounds! I am now 193.

Rainy Mondays

So I don't have a topic for today, but will still write. That is the point of a blog isn't it?

It is a rainy Monday and we had a fire drill this morning at work. I went out because I could not stand listening to the bell thingy. Anyway, when I went out I was not embarrassed or hiding my fat body...I actually felt confident and good about myself. I did not cover up in a coat, I just went out. This is a big one for me, I usually feel a little ashamed about my fatness, but I feel fit and my weight loss has made me much more confident. I am aware that I still need to loose, but it is so nice to feel proud of yourself. Sometimes I mistake confidence for having a big ego or being conceited. I no longer think that, if you think your hot..go ahead and think it I won't fault ya. Women are strange about this, and tend to get jealous...why is that?

Anyway, I have to say I have been inspired lately by reading my usual round of blogs. Especially, one I got from Roni's blog to another blog about perfectionism. I do think that was my problem when I was in Weight Watchers before. I did look at it like a crash diet. I wanted to see how much I could loose in the shortest amount of time. That made me do crazy things like starve myself or not have things I was craving. Now, if I ate my points for the day and am still hungry, I usually have a glass of chocolate milk or a snack. I should not go to bed uncomfortably hungry. That sucks and makes it seem like a crash diet. This is a lifestyle change for me, not torture.

The craving thing is a little strange. My cravings are changing, which I never thought would happen. I do crave sweets still...but I don't eat the quantity. I still have the desire, but I had to change my approach to it. I tell myself a serving or two is enough. If I have more I will have to deal with weight gain and that is not worth it.

Enough about eating..It is making me hungry.