Tuesday, February 5, 2008


I am stressed about money today. I just can't ever seem to have enough. My house still hasn't sold, it has been 9 months. I know other people may be in tougher situations then I am in at this point, but it is stressing me out.

Yesterday I just really wanted to eat. I don't know if it was the weather or stress over money..but it sounded good to just chow away and not excercise. I did not give in to my whim, I ate dinner and had my 2 pt. dessert then excercised for an hour. I felt slightly better, but sometimes I wish I didn't have to force myself to excercise. I don't want to get to the point where I rebel against all of this because I have to keep making myself do it. That is a fear of mine. I also have a fear that I will gain the weight back and fall off the wagon again. I love being 20 pounds lighter, I love that my clothes fit and are baggy, I love having more self confidence and I love feeling in control of my eating. There are so many pro's to losing weight and excercising...so much more than the 5 minutes it takes to eat a box of candy or whatever the vice tends to be for the day.

I know this will always be my struggle...but it is hard sometimes to not go back to my automatic eating when I have problems. I know it does not solve problems and that it makes them worse..I know that...but why is it so easy to go back to? Why is it such a trigger? Without the extra motivation of the cruise I am not sure I would be doing as good. What happens after the cruise is over? Will I continue my efforts? Why is this fear so prominent in my head? Aggh...weight loss is hard. Will I get to a point where this is all over ever? or is this a vicious cycle to fight?

All I can do is take it day by day and keep trying. It will get better or easier right? I have to remember all the pro's. When I weigh the pro's versus the con's of losing weight the pro's so outweigh the con's. This is the reason to loose weight. Eating will not solve my problems. And why doesn't spell check work anymore on this?

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