Sunday, December 30, 2007

Vacation almost over

It is Sunday and I am getting to the end of my Christmas break. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. The party we were supposed to go to got cancelled because of a death in the family. I don't think we are going to go anywhere or have any temptation to deal with. We went full grocery shopping for healthy foods. I haven't been doing much of anything, mainly because I lost my bank I have no money to do anything.

My boyfriend got a toaster oven for Christmas and I have to say it is the most awesome thing. We have been toasting everything and everything seems to taste better toasted. I have never owned one, but now I am sold on them. It is making me enjoy my 1 pt. bread much more than I was before.

Anyway, I have been good and eating within my points range since the day after Christmas. I actually wanted to eat healthy because I felt so bad eating like crap during Christmas. I have gotten back into exercise also. I think it is hard to get back into your habits after you have been bad..but I did. Letting myself let loose and just go for whatever I wanted seems to have worked for me. Maybe that is the key. That is something I have never done while trying to loose weight before. I believe that I have changed for the better with food. But I am still not convinced of its permanency.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Holiday blahs

I am lucky to have this week off and not have to work until Tuesday. My boyfriend on the other hand had to work this week. He came home early and is napping now because he is so exhausted from cooking for 20 people, twice. I slept in today and it felt like heaven. I got up ate my high fiber breakfast, relaxed a while, went for a jog on the treadmill and generally had a good day. I am going to make spaghetti for dinner with lots of veggies to help fill the extra stretch I got in my stomach from eating so much for four days in a row.

I did get a great yoga mat for Christmas that I would love to try out, only they are not open until after the 31st. I have to say that I might be having a bit of the blahs that I am fighting.

Christmas keeps you busy and is exciting because of the presents. After Christmas you kind of have a down time because you have no money and you have to pay the consequences on the scale. I am 190 again and I fought hard to get past it. The only good thing I can say about the holiday eating is that I really do not have any cravings for anything. I got my fill of about everything I was craving. The only thing I didn't have was ice cream. I have to say that I think I might be allergic to ice cream because now when I eat it it hurts my stomach. That reason alone is why I stay away from it. I have to say that ice cream has always been my favorite sweet treat. When I gained back my 40 pounds I really think I gained it all from the peanut butter cup flurry. I went to the ice cream shops in the summer and ate a huge one everyday. I couldn't get enough of it. Although it still sounds good, I won't be having that for a while..and if it keeps hurting my stomach I might have to give it up entirely.

So, I am going to continue to try to loose weight and get healthy..but I have to say the obsessing about it is starting to get a bit tiring. I guess I never wanted to be one of those people that made weight loss their first and only priority in life. I want to exercise and eat good, but I don't need it to be all I think about or all I talk about with people. I am realizing that the lifestyle changes I made don't need to be bragged about, they should just be part of my healthy lifestyle from day to day.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Day after Christmas and a Weigh-in day

Well, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted for the last four days during Christmas. I could not keep track because it was so much food at so many different Christmas parties. I got on the scale today and I was 1 pound up and back to my beloved 190. I do not feel that I was deprived of any food at all during Christmas. I do feel that my stomach is now used to much more food than it was and I have been finding myself to be pretty hungry today. I plan on doing an hour of excercise, because I pretty much stopped doing that too. It is funny how outta your routine you can get. I will be back posting regularly on Tuesday the 2nd, for now it may be a bit sporadic.

So I am onto a New Year's Eve party on Monday...and hoping I will do well with is only 1 day right? Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

189 and 3 Christmas parties...

So I got to exactly 189 this morning. I got past 190, I am so excited! Then I remembered it is Christmas this week and I have 3 parties to go to and all with food. I even have shortbread cookies dipped in chocolate from my co-worker sitting on my desk right now. Ugh. I ate 3 already. They are luscious butter goodness.

On Friday my boyfriend and I are going out to Thai food with his mother, another uggh. I love Thai food. The upcoming week is starting to sound like a food nightmare. It scares me a little, but what can I do? Christmas only happens once a year and it sounds really hard to calculate the points for everything. So my game plan has to be in effect. I am going to try to portion control. It sounds like a good idea, but I am wondering how I am going to pull it off?

My boyfriend told me just to take a couple of bites and if it tastes good to stop eating it. Whaa? How and why? That has always been so hard. I think I will only eat what I want and if it doesn't taste good I am not eating it. He has the worst diet advice, but always thinks he is right. I know he is just trying to help. My winter break starts tomorrow and I am excited that I don't have to come into work for a while. I will still try to blog on the weekdays if I can, so I will let you know of my struggles. Until then eat, drink and maintain.

P.S. I went to Weight Watchers store today to get a new 3 month journal. They gave me a points bracelet, which I prob. will never use and a snowflake. They do some hokey things there...after the lady gave me a snowflake she said "Don't flake out this holiday"...weird huh? Oh well, maybe they think that stuff works?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

It's one of those weeks

Yes, I am not having the best week so far. I am off for Holiday break on Thursday and I can hardly bring myself to come to work at all this week. I have been getting up late and not exercising in the mornings. I feel lazy with no energy, what is wrong? I think the weather or the lack of sunshine might be getting to me. It is dark and dreary outside. You would think I would be in a great mood knowing I have time off and with Christmas coming....but I just feel, blah.

Last night I did an hour workout, which I could hardly get through. I got through the weight training part, but when I got on the treadmill I felt lightheaded and weird. I had to just walk at a slower pace because I could not keep up at my normal pace. I of course got on the scale today and it said my favorite number: 190. Oh yes, I am becoming fond of 190, but come on body! Another weird thing about yesterday was that I was not hungry during the day at all. I guess this was a good thing because I had more points left to eat in the evening, but it is still strange because I usually am super hungry all day.

I hope I don't sound like I am complaining. I have been losing some weight in the last couple of weeks, but it is hard to take the reality of 190 for another week. I wonder if I will have to? We shall know tomorrow.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Do plateaus exist or I am just eating too much?

I am determined to break my 190 plateau this week. I have been hovering around 190 for the last 2 weeks. Is this a plateau or is it in my head? I think it is in my head.

Why? I think I may of eaten a little too much last week. I had a bit too much of peppermint ice cream and choc. chips and marshmallows. I thought I had accounted for these splurges, but I don't think I really did.

I now recall eating almost an entire bag of chocolate chips last week and not really counting it accurately. I cut myself off this week from buying either of them and got rid of any lingering amount left. I would snack on choc. chips or marshmallows when I wanted a treat after dinner, instead of having a dessert. I would just count 2 points for it and call it good. What I thought was just a handful probably was more like a cup, etc.

So I have not done that this week, so I will see how it goes on Wednesday. I am trying to not have too much excitement over food, but the boyfriend said we are going for Thai food on Friday. Yeah! My favorite food is Thai and I have not had it for about 6 months. I feel like Homer Simpson with a donut, YUMMM.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Don't feel too bad today

It is Friday, and I am in a good mood and not starving. This is the first day since Sunday I can say that. I had 2 servings of beef broccolli stir fry last night and I think that really helped me. I made a goal this week (and all the weeks before) to spread out my flexpoints more and not eat most of them by Friday. In doing this I unleashed a very hungry stomach that was used to a lot of food on least that is my theory.

I am taking a half day today to get Christmas shopping done then meeting boyfriend at Panera and see "I am Legend" movie. Hopefully I am not too exhausted from shopping by then. When I get tired, my will to be a better eater vanishes. Cheers to a good weekend!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Pizza and I am hungry

It is 11 o' clock here and I am starving already. I had pizza yesterday for lunch. Did you know that papa john's large pepperoni pizza has 7 points a slice? I had 2 slices and that was 14 points. I was alarmed by that, but of course I had the flex points for it. I of course wanted more than 2 pieces, but I realized after I ate 2 that I didn't feel that great. So in an effort to not feel like crap, I quite eating after 2. I also tried to have a smaller dinner to make up for it. I really want to do well this week and get under 190.

I am not that enthused with my lunch today, so I think it is always a shame when you really want something different than what you have. I think this feeling will pass, but it is the holidays and winter so the comfort food cravings are starting to kick in. I am craving fried chinese food once again. I jogged this morning so I am proud of myself, but I think this may make me extra hungry.

I continue to just take it one day at a time and get through the holidays without going too crazy. The cruise is a perfect motivation for me to keep going and pressing on and I won't let myself forget about that.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Just a .2 pound loss :(

Well, I did loose. Anyway, I had some ice cream issues earlier in the week...darn peppermint ice cream! So I am hoping I can get into the 80's next week. I watched the Biggest Loser last night and am still amazed at how they loose so much in a week. I think it is a miracle if I loose 2 pounds. I bet they do not eat any sugar or refined carbs....although I do see them going to Subway. I am glad Neil got voted off because of the water logging thing he did.

I really would like this week to be over with already. The weather hasn't been the greatest this week and it seems I have not been able to put a dent in the work I have at work. What else would I have to do if I didn't work...hmm. I would probably shop. That has become an issue for me lately. Clothes actually look good on me now and I have more of a variety. I haven't indulged in buying the things I want because I know I do not have any money...but I think I may break down soon! During Christmas there are so many parties and you always need stuff to wear. I just can't go overboard.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

15 pounds and people are starting to notice

I had to blog again today because 2 people stopped me in my office building and told me that I look great. Well, one lady said "svelte" and the other said "slimming down." Anyway, it is nice that people are noticing. I was so proud of myself after losing 10 pounds that I thought everyone would notice...and they didn't. That bummed me out a little, but I think a lot of people wouldn't notice 10 pounds. I find that after losing about 20 pounds...people seem to comment a lot more (at least they did in my other weight loss attempts). I wish it wasn't that way because I need the positive motivation when I am first starting to loose more than any other time. It is nice to finally get the comments.

I am also a bit happy because I got a $40 gift card to Starbucks from my boss. I am severely addicted to lattes and I can drink them anytime of day. I was thinking about all those celebrities that always drink Starbucks. For some reason, I think it is one of the best treats around.

I am trying to cheer myself up and distract myself because I still am feeling pretty stressed out from trying to get my house sold and money and the strain it causes in my household. I know people say that money can't buy happiness, but it sure would make me happier right about now. What is the saying, you can never be too rich or too thin. Well, maybe you can be too thin. Until tomorrow.

Cold weather and carbs

I read an article today on FitSugar that in the shorter days of winter most people do not get enough Vitamin D because of the lack of sunshine, so what do they do? They eat more carbs to release more serotonin to feel good and replace the lack of sunshine. I also saw something on Oprah recently about living in the midwest/northwest about lack of vitamin D. So the conclusion on fitsugar was just to excercise more. Not sure if that is the most common sense answer to most of us..but I think it is good advice.

I will excercise more and....I take the Viactiv vitamins (because they taste good) and the Calcium chews, looks like to get 100% of Vitamin D I have to start eating 2. That is not a problem, they are caramel flavored and taste good. Calories are 20 each. So zero points for 2. Lets see if this makes a difference at all? Next week I will probably read on MSNBC that taking vitamins are bad for you, I always feel there is conflicting information (especially on that site) for healthy lifestyle changes. I really think they need to somehow find more neutral positions for reporting this stuff.

So anyways, I can't predict my weigh-in this week because it is technically not Wednesday...but I think I may have a maintain week. Who knows though, right? I just hope for less stress and look forward to the week and a half break I will be getting soon. Hope I don't get too bored. I am thinking bored may be good for me.

Monday, December 10, 2007

A case of the Mondays..

I love that line from Office Space. Anyway, I am slowly still gearing up from the weekend to do some work, it is 12:15. I just got done eating lunch and looking at all the websites I look at and putting together a x-mas list.

So last night I overdid it some on Edy's peppermint ice cream. I think it is light because it is 130 calories, 4.5 fat....but it was so good I couldn't stop eating it. I went a little over on points last night by 3. I got on the scale to see if I had done too much damage...and perhaps a little so I am trying to be good today and tommorow for my Wednesday weigh-in. I don't really even like peppermint ice cream any other time of year, I usually am just a vanilla fan. It is strange that I ate a cup and a half of it. I also ate less dinner so that I could have a cup of it..but I didn't stop there...I ate another half cup at least from the carton. I never do this and usually throw ice cream away because it gets crystalized.

So I am fine, I messed up a bit. All I can do is get back on the horse again and keep trying. In my x-mas list I listed a dress that I wanted for the cruise. I put XL on there not thinking...then I looked at the size charts and my measurements...I am a Large, not XL. How easy it is to still believe I am fatter. That reminds me of the show I watched last night.

Did anyone watch the 476-pound teenager last night on BBC America? It was fasinating to me. She had gastric bypass surgery but was still dealing with the same psychological issues after it. I wonder why they don't help more with counseling and that surgery? Anyway, I think Oprah did a show about that too.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Blogging during the Holidays

Ok, I don't want to be a trader to my fellow diet bloggers..but it seems that most of them are not posting or just posting a little. I know the holidays are stressful and busy, but I think I need to blog because of that more. I also am new to blogging and do not have a super busy schedule or kids. I am just whining because I miss their blogging :(. I miss reading about their adventures in the world of food and excercise. I hope it returns to normal soon, they motivate me so much.

So onto the fact that it is Friday and everyone seems to be in a bad mood around me. I am in a fine mood, but ready for the weekend. I forgot how yucky snow is, and how cold it gets. I never want to get up to excercise in the mornings lately. I did today though, so I am proud of myself. The bed seems a bit more cozy when the air is cold then it did before the winter. I miss nice weather already.

Yesterday's dinner was lean hamburgers and oven fries. I was super hungry when I got home from work yesterday and could not wait to eat dinner. My boyfriend always makes 4 burgers and of course I grabbed 2 because I thought.."I have the points for this." So I sat down and ate one burger, then had some fries and realized I was full and could not eat the other burger. I haven't been eating 2 burgers for quite some time, I just was hungry and had the points for it so I thought that I would have 2. Why do I revert to old behaviors when I have extra points? I don't get it. My doggy got the other burger, and she was happy. I just cannot eat as much as I used to be able to. I think my mind hasn't caught up with that yet. Hopefully it will soon, because eating just to eat is not a good thing. I gotta get my mind retrained.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Wednesday to Wednesday

I pretty much recap my weeks from Wednesday to Wednesday, since my weight watchers points are recalculated then. So this is Thursday, and I already feel bad that I haven't gotten a weight lifting day in yet. I will jump back on the weight lifting horse again, but sometimes it bothers me that I am not working out more. I have great weeks where I excercise for an hour a day almost every day, then I have weeks like this where I skip a couple of days. I don't blame myself, I have been busy meeting with realtors and getting my hair cut. I got home from my hair cut at 7 p.m. last night, I usually don't do an evening workout until 8 p.m. anyways...but I didn't want to last night. I have to be okay with that. But I didn't eat dinner until 7, and I let myself get too hungry and I ate 20 points over into my newly renewed flexpoints. Oh well, right? that is what they are for...but oh how I like to save them for the weekend.

Sometimes I think upping your excercise level sends your body to shock mode. I think it doesn't know what is going it makes you loose, but then makes you super hungry. Perhaps I should go half and half on the jogging. Perhaps I can do a couple days walking and a couple days jogging to help my body adjust. I think it was a bit of a shock to it. Not sure if my body likes that kind of shock.

So anyway, with my struggles from Wednesday to Wednesday I hope I can take it easier on myself, not put too much pressure on myself to get under 190 and just take it slow and steady. I always secretely say that saying to myself "slow and steady wins the race."

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Lost 2 pounds!

Yes I lost 2 pounds this week. I will thank the new level 2 treadmill chip for it also. I have to say that the workouts are really hard on it, but I will just adjust them until I can do them. I have to do them on zero incline currently.

I am a bit surprised to finally see 190 on the scale. I have been seeing it for the last 3 weeks on Saturdays, so it is nice it finally made it to my actual Wednesday weigh-in. I am a bit pumped now that I could possibly get to the high 180's by next week. I really want to be in the 80's, it is so cool to drop a weight bracket. The next bracket will be really exciting...but I am happy to be where I am at for now.

I did yoga last night and it did wonders for me mentally. I was sooo stressed yesterday and the night before. Savasana was like! I felt almost drunk when I left the place. I also slept like a baby. I felt great this morning and did a level 2 program. I read a great article from Martika on MSN Health & Fitness about how you should have something to eat or drink before excercising in the morning, and I have to say it really helps! I usually do not have energy to jog in the morning.

So my day is going well so far, hope yours is too!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Stressful Season

I don't like to get myself stressed out for any reason...I always try to remain calm, but the one thing that can stress me out like nobody's business is money and the money I stand to loose to sell my home in this stupid economy and living in Michigan.

Does stress make you loose weight? Currently, I am not overeating due to stress, but I do usually stop excercising on those super stress days. I guess I can't get my energy up enough to step onto the treadmill. It takes energy to be stressed so I can see why you would eat, your burning more calories just being in a stressed state aren't you? Anyway, stress is not healthy I can feel it wearing away at my body and health. And it makes me so tired and really cold. Excercise warms me.

So after a very stressful couple of weeks I am trying to get myself to unwind a bit, (jez I just had a massage last week Friday...what is up with this)? The holidays cause stress only for the reason that I have to buy people gifts that I cannot currently afford. So I just keep trying to manage and be nice to myself and remind myself that this will get better. I think I will go to yoga tonight to try to calm my mind. Namaste.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Another week, another month, another hunger issue

It is December. I always get a bit weirded out when a new month begins because it feels as if time is going by way too fast. It is also Monday and I am sitting in my office finishing my lunch. A sandwich and zero point soup. The thing I kind of feel deprived about is that with 24 points I can only have one larger meal a day. Well, maybe two. I of course have the larger meal at dinner and I have a pretty big breakfast also. My co-worker is in the office next to me and she made something with cheese that smelled amazingly good, like mac and cheese or something. It makes me excited for have extra points. I have to meet with a realtor tonight and am a bit upset that I won't have time to work out. I also ate all the rest of my 35 extra points yesterday. I always seem to eat more on Sunday. So I am left with just 24. I think I am quite full now, but it still doesn't make me stop complaining about this for some reason.

The intoxicating aroma of rich foods are too much for my nose and stomach to process today. I finally got my level 2 excercise chip for my treadmill and I have been jogging for the last 4 days instead of walking fast. I went from burning 250 calories a half hour to 350. Could it be the extra calories I am burning are making me extra hungry? Yes, but I am having some trouble getting past the 190 point so I only count 2 points for the excercising...even though I am burning an extra 100 calories. This is the same excercise points that I counted before at 250 calories. I really do not get how these are calculated...perhaps I can find a site explaining it or my huge masses of readers can tell me? :)

I do know the weight watchers sliding scale thingy tells you how many points based on might take me more effort...but how much effort is normal or average? I am not maxing myself out so I don't think that my excercising is much more than moderate. So strange..they should have a burning of calories range or something based on weight. Oh well, maybe the scale will be nice to me this week and let me loose weight. This is my hormonal I am crossing my fingers.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Tivo has been a great thing for my weight loss

Ok, so my excuses for not excercising in the past were always because I wanted to watch a particular tv show. I love tv, but I don't really think this was the reason. I think I just used it as any easy excuse. Now that I have tivo, I can tivo anything I was watching and watch it after my workout or during my treadmill portion. This has pretty much taken away my excuse to not excercise in the evening after work. I also only tivo certain programs on the tv in front of the treadmill so if I want to watch them I have to workout on the treadmill. I also put no furniture in this room either. It is working somehow..but then I encountered another obstacle, but overcame it.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch upstairs watching tv. I knew I wanted to do an hour workout and all of a sudden told myself I was too tired to do it. I then made myself get up and do it. I had so much energy after I got done that I did a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, got my lunch together and ran the dishwasher afterwards. Would I have done this if I didn't excercise..hell no, I would of layed on the couch all night. So the power of excercise for me is it gives me great energy. You would think that if you were tired already that it would make you more tired..but it doesn't.

So I am now adding tivo the the things I like list. It is the best invention in the whole world.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Weight loss during the holidays?

Ok, I am stressed a bit today. My house not selling is causing me some anxiety.

Anyway, I lost 2 pds this week and am proud of myself for losing the week of Thanksgiving. I gained last week but lost I think something might of been off with my water or something. I had Subway last week (Tuesday night) for dinner and I think the chips and sandwich are loaded with salt.

I have to say that somehow this whole lifestyle change is getting a bit least this week. My last weight watchers attempt seemed to be much more emotionally hard. Anyway, a while back I ordered the Nordictrack Level 2 chip for my treadmill and it has been trying to ship for about a month now. I really don't know what is going on with that? The arrival date said it would now be here on the 29th. I am looking forward for some reason to doing some new programs...even though the Level 1 seemed really hard at first. I also added yoga last week and that has been a bit challenging, more so then I remember...but maybe I was more flexible before?

So a new week starts and I hope to continue my success even with my current stresses. I guess when I bought my house and fixed it up I thought it would be easier to sell? It is hard to sell a house. :(

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Stressful boredom

Well, I hope I have some readers out there even though I blog for myself. I always have the hope I can help some people out with their own weight loss attempts. So then I feel like my blog is mutually beneficial.

Anyway, I wanted to blog about stress eating and boredom eating. I am realizing much more about how I deal with stress. I don't deal with stress well. I think my entire life I have been eating to deal with stress for a temporary fix. I now realize that it didn't help me. I had so much built up anxiety that I was keeping myself awake at night or having panic attacks. The food helped until I went to bed and subconciously brought it up. I wonder if anyone ever overcomes their vices of dealing with stress? Does this just happen with age?

So now that I know this I am always on the look out for stress induced eating. Like on Sunday when my leaf blower would not start, I got stressed and what did I do? I thought about going to TCBY and eating a peanut butter cup flurry. I thought about the yummy cold sweetness it is. Then when I woke up from this distraction I realized it really wasn't going to help me feel better in the situation. I thought if I let myself fall back into old patterns, my clothes won't fit and then I have another problem.

Also on the weekends and weeknights I get bored and dream up what I want to eat. So this is my "boredom eating" side. I often get so bored that eating sounds really fun. Like going out to TGIF and eating spinach artichoke dip and a burger and fries...that sounds like more fun then what I am doing now. I try to get up and do something at that point, otherwise I will drive myself crazy. Also sleeping is a good alternative to this too.

So how do you all deal with your eating triggers? How do you deal with cravings and when you do cave what are the situations around it?

Monday, November 26, 2007

Work can be annoying..and stuff about Thanksgiving

It is the Monday after Thanksgiving. I had to run some errands before coming to work, so came in around 10 a.m. I thought I would have a relaxing morning and be able to wind up into work, but a department at work wanted something and would not stop calling me. Another person in the dept. came up to talk to me about the same thing, while another was calling my co-worker asking where I was. Why on earth are people so annoying? Why can I not relax a little this morning? Why is this my problem if you cannot think ahead? Anyway, it really stressed me out and now I am trying to calm. Usually this would of sent me running out to lunch to avoid those annoying people, but I just did other things to calm writing this post.

So my Thanksgiving wasn't too bad. We made the food and it was so delicious, the way I like it. I was obsessing about pumpkin pie and so I made one in the oven after dinner. I let it cool for about 30 minutes. I cut into it and it was liquid gooo. I still had about a half a piece of goo with crust before I thought..this is gross! So I ending up giving it away. I never really had the pumpkin pie I wanted. I went to the store on Saturday for groceries and looked for a cut in half pumpkin pie..but of course one didn't exist. I in no way trust myself with buying a whole pie, so I passed it up. Maybe on Christmas?

So I really liked the food I wasn't looking forward to better than the stuff I was looking forward to. It was hard not to shovel it in. I made myself slow down many times...but shoveling is soo much fun. All in all I did shovel a bit, but did pretty darn good on Thanksgiving...minus the pumpkin pie.

Hope my weigh-in is good this week!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Day before Thanksgiving...

I weighed in today and am up 1.8 pds. I am not super happy about the weight gain, but I lost 1% in body fat and 1" off my chest and hips. I am thinking I gained some muscle this week, and perhaps some fat..but not all a bad gain of just fat, so that is good. It also was my birthday last week and I could of miscalculated my points for my San Chez dinner or my burgers or my desserts...who knows? I also went over on points 2 days last week by about 2.

I have been trying to change my lifestyle since the end of July, but started counting points in August. I have not gained any weight since my counting in August so I guess a weight gain was bound to happen at some time. This was the most difficult week so far for me. Not only because of my 28 pt. dinner on my birthday, but also because I was so hungry for the rest of the week. It was like my body wanted to gain weight back. It is possible because the body is such a sohpisticated never know what it is thinking..even if you do own it.

I have been reading a lot of articles about weight loss and maintenance, etc. and always feel a bit confused by all the statistics they throw out. Why is all this stuff so confusing? Eat breakfast before working out in the morning, don't eat breakfast before working many different opinions on what works. I know I need to find something that works for me, but it is hard to not let people (doctors) get into your head and mess you up. They do study all of this don't they?

Well, I want to get back on track this week but it is of course Thanksgiving. I am going to try to save my flexpoints for it, but feel a little dissapointed that I cannot spread them out for another week in a row. Spreading them out makes life a lot easier. I can try to do that...but I really want pumpkin pie. I will try my hardest though. I just hope this gets easier and not harder like it has been getting each week. It has been hard with the eating only right now. The excercise is not a problem for me at this point. Changing your lifestyle and habits is a tough thing to do and I know sometimes I just have to suffer through it. I have hopes that one day it will be easier. Happy Thanksgiving!

A great inspiration article I read about overcoming weight-loss setbacks!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


okay, I have to admit I am a little nervous about my scale reading tommorow. I have gone over my points a little here and there during this week. I had a hard week struggling with my food craving demons. One thing I vowed when I started this blog is that I can never lie to it.

On the plus side I was a lot more active this week then I usually am. I did leaves at my house (that is for sale) and helped at my new house on Saturday. I also took my doggy to the doggy park on Sunday for 2 hours, then went bowling. I usually work out on weekends, but am not that busy. I was so tired yesterday but I still did my workout for an hour. I am glad I went to bed at 9:30 last night, I feel much better today.

So all of those good things help to make this a little better of a week for me. I know I am getting healthier and being more active, but...I just wonder what the scale is going to say. I have been doing so well I am a little scared that I will be hard on myself if I gain. I want to get under 190 so bad. I know it is the Holidays...but I just want to keep losing.

My cruise is coming up in March and I want to be successful in losing to look good in my swimsuit. I hope I don't put too much pressure on myself and go crazy eating. I have to be nice to myself, I have to be optimistic.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Survivor and Steak n' Shake

So we tivo a lot of television. We watched "Survivor:China" on Friday night. I had made dinner and was looking forward to vegging out in front of the t.v. Anyway, towards the end they had an immunity challenge and they could choose to participate or eat as many cheeseburgers as they could while watching the competitors. Those cheeseburgers looked so delicious! I was kind of hungry and all I thought was Steak n' Shake sounds so good right now. I mentioned it about 3 or 4 times to my boyfriend and he seemed up for the idea, until he reminded me that he has a cholesterol/triglyceride test on Nov. 21st. He didn't have the greatest numbers last time. Anyway it was like torture for me not to go to Steak n' Shake at 11 p.m. at night. I usually do not deal with cravings like this. I had a lot of trouble and went for choc. milk instead so that my stomach would not growl uncontrollably for Steak n' Shake all night. Needless to say that was all I thought about when we went to bed until I fell asleep.

The next morning all I thought was Steak n' Shake. This was trouble. I almost went to get a kids meal but decided to look up the nutritional information on their web site. I did not have flexpoints left because I ate them all almost on my b-day at San Chez. So when I saw the points value on their web site that kind of made my decision for me. I made the decision to go to the store and buy some lf ground beef and 1 pt. buns. I also cut up potatoes and made my own fries. After 2 homemade cheeseburgers and fries I was finally full! boyfriend is really good at making burgers. I was a little doubtfounded that I couldn't eat much more for the rest of the day, but at least I didn't eat more points than I get in a day at Steak n' Shake. Weird thing is that I was not that hungry for dinner and had zero point soup and oyster crackers for it. I also worked out for an hour. Wow that was such a hard thing to get though! Cravings can be sooo hard to control. I could feel something like this coming on this week. I really wonder why this happens?

Friday, November 16, 2007

So hungry for lunch...

It is 11:30 and I am so hungry for lunch. I thought I would blog so that I could make it until noon.

Yesterday I had some bad thoughts about binge eating. I guess I get to a point where I am a little tired of the slightly hungry feeling I get. I try to substitute fruit or veggies or milk for these times..but they don't seem to work. I thought about eating just a big amount of a junk food dinner like pizza or burritto or chinese food. That thought is strange because I used to think about a big amount of sweets to eat when I would get these evil thoughts. Anyway, I went home and reluctantly made dinner. A new recipe for tamale casserole from my WW cookbook. I don't know if I like making new recipes or not sometimes. The whole chance of them not being good is a risk for me when I am super hungry or thinking about junk food. It turned out delicious and I can't wait to eat it for lunch today. It helped me though a tough day yesterday.

So today roles around and I am still thinking about how hungry I am and how nice it would be to be really full. Why do I have these thoughts? I don't know...maybe my body needs more food? I have always liked that overly full feeling for some reason. How do you all cope with this? Is there anyone out there reading this that can help with suggestions? Is it something I just should get used to? I have read articles about this and it says it is not good to eat until your stuffed...but why do you want to still?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Back to work

I am finally back at work. The college I work at is doing a building restoration and they have been scraping and painting windows in the building I'm in, so I have been here for short times the whole week. It was really loud, smelly and super distracting. I also took my B-day off.

On Tuesday, I blew and bagged leaves at my house. Currently, my house is up for sale. It has been on the market since June. I really hope one day it sells, but for now I have to keep the yard looking good. This is a big source of stress and anxiety for me. If I keep it out of my mind I seem to be okay. On the cool note, I noticed how much easier it was to bag leaves this year than last. I am in so much better shape and it feels so good to be able to do active things without feeling like I am going to die.

Anyway, I got some great gifts! I got starbucks gift cards...I am so addicted to the NF Car. Mocc. w/ extra foam it is not funny. I got roses from my boyfriend, dinner at San Chez (spanish food), a yoga package and 2 professional massages. He went a bit overboard but I love my gifts! I also got a TCBY yogurt cake and had the whole family over to eat it. I am so glad the cake did not sit around and wait to be eaten by me. I always get the peanut butter cup roll cake for my birthday and before the last 2 years, I would eat it by myself for the week. I would easily eat half of it on my birthday and then finish it off for the next couple of days. It is so much better just to have your family over to eat it.

I also had my flexpoints renewed so that came in handy for San Chez and cake. I did feel a bit off for the night and woke up at 1 a.m. super thirsty and had to get water. I guess my body isn't used to the salt and sugar. I worked out yesterday also, which helped me feel a bit better.

When my family was over for cake all they did was complain about their weight. I paused for a second and thought...did I act like that?...YES. I decided I am not going to do that anymore or gloat about my weight loss to them. If they ask I will tell them, but I don't want to be annoying so I am done with that. I really have nothing to complain about in my life except maybe the house not selling.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

It's my birthday...

It is my birthday and I took the day off from work. I have been lazy all day and now I need to get ready to go out to dinner, so sorry for a short post. I will post more extensively tommorow. I lost 1.4 pounds! I am now 193.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Rainy Mondays

So I don't have a topic for today, but will still write. That is the point of a blog isn't it?

It is a rainy Monday and we had a fire drill this morning at work. I went out because I could not stand listening to the bell thingy. Anyway, when I went out I was not embarrassed or hiding my fat body...I actually felt confident and good about myself. I did not cover up in a coat, I just went out. This is a big one for me, I usually feel a little ashamed about my fatness, but I feel fit and my weight loss has made me much more confident. I am aware that I still need to loose, but it is so nice to feel proud of yourself. Sometimes I mistake confidence for having a big ego or being conceited. I no longer think that, if you think your hot..go ahead and think it I won't fault ya. Women are strange about this, and tend to get jealous...why is that?

Anyway, I have to say I have been inspired lately by reading my usual round of blogs. Especially, one I got from Roni's blog to another blog about perfectionism. I do think that was my problem when I was in Weight Watchers before. I did look at it like a crash diet. I wanted to see how much I could loose in the shortest amount of time. That made me do crazy things like starve myself or not have things I was craving. Now, if I ate my points for the day and am still hungry, I usually have a glass of chocolate milk or a snack. I should not go to bed uncomfortably hungry. That sucks and makes it seem like a crash diet. This is a lifestyle change for me, not torture.

The craving thing is a little strange. My cravings are changing, which I never thought would happen. I do crave sweets still...but I don't eat the quantity. I still have the desire, but I had to change my approach to it. I tell myself a serving or two is enough. If I have more I will have to deal with weight gain and that is not worth it.

Enough about eating..It is making me hungry.

Friday, November 9, 2007

My birthday next week

TGIF! It is going to be my birthday next week Wednesday and I will be 33. I have to say the last year has been a good year for me. It was hard but a good year of growing and learning more about myself. Is it ever easy to see all the things you were doing wrong? My co-worker always told me the 30's were really good, but I never believed her. I think I do now. Anyway, I am really excited to see what my boyfriend gets me for a gift. He won't tell me of course and I haven't given him any ideas...I wonder?

It is the time of year that my sweets eating starts to get out of control. Yesterday we had a November/December b-day celebration at my office. My co-worker brought in a variety of cookies, brownies and ice favorites! I had a brownie w/ ice cream and a cookie and decided to stop there. I had flexpoints to cover it plus some but I kind of realized as I watched people eat and eat that it was not worth it to have more. I am so happy with where I am at, that I didn't want to overindulge. I love that my pants are loose and I like feeling healthy and not bloated. I don't think my other weight loss attempts where ever so insightful or conscious.

Past weight lost history: My first large weight loss attempt involved Herbalife. My co-worker's wife had lost 30 pds and I asked her how she did it and she said she sold Herbalife. So I bought some and started losing weight. I drank 2 shakes a day and they were quite good at the time....but lost their appeal a year into it. Had a meat and 2 veggies for dinner and that was it. I did not give into sweet cravings but I did take some form of ephredra that was in their green tea pills. I think that really suppressed my appetite. Anyway, I think I did that for over 2 years...even though it was really boring and I wanted sweets the whole time. I did not excercise at all. I started at 216 and got to 165. When I quit doing it I gained up to 185 for a while then gained up to 207. I think I did this solely by eating peanut butter cup flurries and mini candy bars at work. Oh, and I didn't know this at the time, but I lost all my muscle. I was fatter after this diet bigtime! I also think it may of been responsible for my hypothyroid..but I don't know for sure.

I got back up to over 200 again. I then started weight watchers (at work) and lost 25 pds in a year. I also quit doing that and gained back up to 206 after reading a book a nutritionist told me to read....what was it? It was a book about eating what you want when you crave it and you will naturally be at a weight that is healthy for you. That is not true, at least not for me. I started eating pop-tarts excessively. I also during this time had developed ganglian cysts on both of my feet pads and they made it painful for me to excercise. And of course I met my boyfriend and I gained the "love ten" or "fifteen".

Last February I got a good foot doctor and he gave me cortisone shots, my foot problem is gone. Now I am doing weight watchers on my own and have lost a little over 10 pounds. I excercise on the treadmill and lift weights 3x a week. If I have cravings for something I have it. If I go over in points I say I will do better tommorow. I stopped being strict and hard on myself and I feel this is a better way to go.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

So it's Thursday....

A lot of things have been floating around my head lately. I have been in a pretty good mood lately. A couple of weeks ago I thought I was going to explode from emotional heaviness or have some kind of mental breakdown. I think this journal, sleeping enough and excercise has helped me a bit. Also, I had some issues with a co-worker and I talked to her about it as well as talked to my boss about some things I needed to change for my work sanity. I think before I used to go to food to help me through those types of things and I would ignore ever confronting those things in my life. I guess I thought they didn't matter or that I didn't want to hurt or bother someone else.

I kind of realized that I need to get my feelings and frustrations out or they will harm me either emotionally or physically (in the form of fat). That is why posting to this journal is helpful. Sometimes I worry that my boyfriend will read it and think I am going out of my mind, but I realize that is ok. We are all out of our mind sometimes. My boyfriend's mother said to me the other day that "we are all on a journey to self-acceptance", I agree with that and that was an enlightening thought to me. I really want to accept myself and think that losing weight and getting healthy is a way to take care of myself so that I can realize how important "me" is. I don't think it is just a vanity thing for me, I think it is that I realize the importance of my health...finally.

Almost 2 years ago now I met my boyfriend. I thought I was doomed to single life and bad dates forever. Anyway, through this relationship I think I kind of found myself..that inner child that was wounded and hiding in there. Sometimes it was sooo hard, but I feel that I am finally on the right track to accepting myself. Wow, I feel that I have been a slow learner. But I finally feel at almost 33 that I am at a place where I could raise a child and do well at it. Not that I am pregnant or near marriage. But for the future, it is a good thought.

Thanks for reading/listening.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Strike that, reverse it

Yes I am an 80's child. Anyway, it is my weigh-in day and I did not gain but actually lost .6 pds. A little over half. The scale plays weird tricks on me. I know your not suppossed to weigh yourself everyday or whatever...but sometimes I just like to. So 3 candy bars can = weight loss? A little confusing, but it is calories in vs. calories out so I guess I was at a deficit. It is a dreary day in Michigan today, winter is coming. And my goal to step it up and cut down on sugar is still on of course. I want to lose at least a pound a week.

I did not mention before but I am going on a cruise in March to the Carribean and I really want to get to goal so I don't feel like a big fatty in my swimsuit. I love to swim and am hoping to get a tankini that actually looks good on me for my cruise.

Thanks for the comments!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The best thing about losing 10 pds....

I am posting twice today, yes. I just noticed something while walking around my office building to get my pants are super loose. Before I lost the 10 pds. my pants were busting at the seams, I thought I would have to go up a size even. After I lost the 10 pds. they are loose and comfty. I am really proud of myself. Even if this next 10 pounds is hard to get off, I am happy with the 10 I lost because I can fit into my pants again. Also, it is important that I keep this 10 pds. off. I feel so much better and am more confident. This is mainly because I no longer have the "muffin top" I used to have. It sucked, it would show through sweaters and made me so uncomfortable.

Anyway, 10 pds. is a lot of weight to loose....even though people really don't notice it, I notice. I did get upset quite a few times because no one noticed my weight loss and everyone noticed and doted on my boyfriends weight loss. (He basically lost 20 pds. just by not eating fast food in same amount of time). I am doing this for me and not other people. So if anyone is being hard on themselves for not losing more, just look at what you have done so far and try to keep it off. I know it is hard to appreciate past efforts and not get down on yourself, but I think we all need to be a little nicer to ourselves.

3 Candy bars does not = weight loss

So I weighed myself a day early this morning. Wednesday is usually my weigh-in day. It looks like I gained about a half a pound (unofficially)! My second ten pounds doesn't feel like it is coming off as easy. I know why the scale is 3 candy bars plus cookies on Halloween and munching on marshmallows throughout the week. I think that Weight Watchers wants you to eat something a little healthier than cookies and candy with your extra points. Duh.

So I do excercise, which if you do the math on a calorie calculator site you can see how much more you can eat then when you don't excercise. So...I think I am going to go for the jogging workout card from Nordictrack. That is the treadmill I own. I hate giving them the free advertising, but their little workout cards are kind of cool. I am the kind of person who does not have the motivation on my own to up the intensity of my workout without a program. I will just walk at 3 mph if I let myself. So anyway, these make me push myself. I already have done the beginner weight loss card twice so I think it is time to get my butt in gear and start jogging. Sometimes in the past I have found it is easier to jog than to walk really I am hoping this is still true. If anyone wants to comment on that that or anything, it would be cool.

I also lift weights 3 times a week using my boyfriends bowflex machine. Sometimes I think I am a big dummy and am not using the machine correctly....shouldn't I be buff by now? I have been lifting longer than I have been cutting calories. (I thought maybe I can just lift and excercise and lose weight, NOPE). I have been lifting since July and weight watching since September. But that is only like 4 months or something. Anyway, I hope the bowflex is helping me. Also we have a body fat measuring scale and that scale bothers me a little. My body fat is way too high and when I get on that thing I am reminded of how far I still need to go. It is depressing sometimes. You cannot be in denial about your weight when you have that scale.

So lesson for this week and note to self: STEP IT UP, and cut down the sugar.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Hello Monday

Well I thought I would of suffered through the weekend not being able to eat very much because I ate all my flexpoints almost on Halloween. All but 10. I felt sick on Thursday and Friday and did not eat much. I wonder why? I felt better Saturday and Sunday, managed to eat well and excercise, so I didn't feel that deprived. So strange but it wasn't that bad.

I have been reading quite a lot of other blogs and find that people actually do not eat their flex points. I don't know how they do that? The flex points are what I actually like about Weight Watchers and keeps me on plan. I can have little splurges each week, just not big ones. Anyway, if I had one piece of advice for people who wanted to lose weight I would say buy a treadmill and use it! Use it as much as you can. Being healthy is so much more important than starving yourself.

Diet absurdity to me: My boyfriends mother is on a diet and she says she trys to eat 500 calories a day. She injects herself with HGH and says she is not hungry. I try to be nice about this to her, but your body needs at least 1200 calories a day just to sit. If you excercise, it needs so much more. That is why excercise is good, you can actually eat....not starve. It also helps with depression and anxiety, stuff I deal with from time to time.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

The day after Halloween

Well, did I do well on Halloween?....umm, I would say it is an improvement from previous Halloweens...but I still ate more candy than I should of. My boyfriend insisted he buy the trick or treater candy because I guess he didn't trust me all that much with the task. He knows my history. So since he did that, what did I do? I bought myself 3 candy bars and ate all 3 after dinner. It was so good...but it was hard to stop once I ate I went on to the candy he bought. He bought Pay Days and Twizzlers. I ate one of each after that. I totaled 25 points over for the day. Oh, I forgot to mention that Wednesday my 35 flex points get renewed so it seems that I had an extra excuse to be bad. I also rationalized all of this in my head somehow. The whole lifestyle changing thing is a catch22 in a way. Can I never eat candy on any Halloween in the future? In reality, not likely. So that is how I rationalized it. I also don't pay for Weight Watchers and do the program on my own. I used to have it at work and they cancelled it. Anyway, todays another day. I will start again.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween treats

Well Happy Halloween! I successfully made it through the movie party last night and did not overeat. I had 3 pieces of cheese pizza and 1 little M&M fun size package and 1 little Mike & Ike package. I actually didn't want more after that. The thing that made me still want to eat was watching everyone else keep going back for more and eating nonstop. It is so weird to watch other "young & thin" people eat 10 mini candy bars and not think that I can do that too. I however told myself when the temptation hit that I cannot do that too....because I have a weight problem that I need to take care of. It is so easy to be in denial about being overweight. I did that for a long time and weighed over 200 pounds. If I want to be healthly I cannot give myself that delusion anymore. This kind of makes me think of another post, a post about my evil weight number of 200....when I get over 200 pds. I know I am too fat.

Hunger Signs

I read the other day that you have actual hunger signs and that you are not suppossed to let yourself get overly hungry or overly full. You should aim for a "5" or "6" at the most for a meal, especially dinner. Don't remember where I got this from but I kept it and reference it quite a lot.

1. Insatiably hungry
2. Seriously hungry
3. Stomach growling hungry
4. Slightly hungry
5. No longer hungry but not yet satisfied
6. Comfortably satisfied
7. Starting to feel full
8. Feeling quite full
9. Starting to get a stomach ache from so much food
10. In actual pain from overeating

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

My first blog

Well this is my first journaling post and I have to say it is a bit strange to put an online diary about my weight and lets face it about my life up in public for the world to see (Maybe noone will see it I say to myself).

Anyway I like journaling and find it is a good release or vent for my frustrations about life and dieting. Why is dieting such a huge undertaking? Why is it what your life is about when you are doing it? Why is it so dang hard? Why does society value women for their looks? Uggh..anyway, so far I have lost around 10 pds. I weigh in around 195 and started at 205.

I don't know if I will lose weight this week because tonight I am going to a Halloween movie party with treats and pizza. I love pizza and candy....Halloween has always been tough for me in the past. I really want to see how I conquer this one.

Oh and by the way, my prefered method of weight loss is Weight Watchers.


What kind of cookie are you?

I am a white chocolate macadamia these, but not the greatest for you.
What are you?