Thursday, October 30, 2008

Halloween eve

Tomorrow is Halloween! I can't believe it. I am taking the day off from work to watch scary things on tv and to relax because I probably will stay up all night, so no post. I do love Halloween because I like watching scary things on tv, although they are never scary enough for me. I had a little bit of a funk yesterday afternoon for some reason...I think my back ache finally had really gotten to me, so I left work a little early. I may of been really tired also because I went and got Jimmy Johns for dinner at 3 p.m. and brought it home....then ate it at 4 p.m. and followed it up with a warm delight brownie w/ ice cream. I went about 15 points over yesterday, but on a good note..I am not super hungry today.

I am a little bummed that I ate so much yesterday, because I really wanted to save all of my flex points for Halloween. I couldn't wait until Friday..really? I sometimes disappoint myself, but hey that is the acceptance that I can't always control everything I eat and I am going to have slip ups now and again. I have to accept it, because otherwise it leads to beating myself up..and I refuse to do that. So I am going to still enjoy what I want for Halloween, with a little moderation.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Freakin for no reason

Well I maintained this week, which I am really happy about. I was freaked out..but why can't I just trust myself that I won't gain 5 pounds in a week? Dang it...I totally freaked myself out, for basically no reason. I put some jeans on that had just been washed a couple of days ago and they were I think some of it was freaking out about that. But come to think of it, those jeans are always tight right when I wash them. My fear/anxiety of gaining back weight needs to somehow be more controlled. I know better, I really do. I think because I have gained it back so many times before that this anxiety is warranted. But how can these crazy thoughts actually help me in my life? They can't...they won't...and I need to let them go.

Anyway, I love being the size I am. I rarely feel like a big fatty and my pants fit. There is nothing wrong with that. So I am going to just try to maintain my weight throughout these holidays. That is all, just maintain. When I feel motivated and ready to try to loose again I will.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Changes in weather and moods

I had a hard time getting out of bed this is so dark outside, and that is zapping my energy. Anyway, I have been having some panic attacks about my weigh in on Wednesday/tomorrow. I am scared that I have gained a lot of weight..even though I know it is not possible to gain a lot of weight in a week. I just feel heavy..and have felt heavy the last couple of days. I really need to shake myself out of this. I also have been having a hard time motivating myself to exercise.

Last night I went to bed super early and didn't exercise because my back was still sore and I just felt exhausted. So exhausted that cooking dinner was a chore, and I really did not enjoy it. I usually do somewhat enjoy cooking dinner. I wonder why I am in this weird funk..and I need to somehow get myself out of it. I really think fall is pretty...but it is really bothering me this year. Maybe I just need to take some vacation is hard to predict what you need to do for yourself in these situations. It is really hard to always live a healthy lifestyle, especially with changing seasons.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Achy and eating

It was a long weekend and I was very active in eating and activities. I am not expecting to see great a great weight on the scale this week. I ate so much on Friday and Saturday, that I could not even begin to count my points. I really tried to ease off of the sweets, but there is something about being around family and friends that makes me eat constantly. I don't always have this same problem when it is just me and the bf. Even around people I don't know very well, I can eat larger quantities.

On another front, my back is killing me from sitting on the floor and carving pumpkins for 2 hours on Saturday. I can hardly stinks and it very uncomfortable. When you have back aches you can definitely feel your age! I am hoping I can relax a bit tonight and feel better.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Crazy weekend coming

The computer network at work has been down for most of the day, so I had time to talk with some co-workers I don't see very often because I am almost always in my office working. Anyway, 2 of them told me that I look really fit and healthy. I was very happy about that. I did mention that I wasn't at my healthy BMI yet, but they both said that that didn't matter..and I don't look overweight. Weird, but very nice to hear. It made me feel good that sometimes people notice...and it isn't all about the bf (like yesterdays rant post). I was going to get up this morning and work out..but I was yet again all warm and cozy. I bought some extra blankets for the bed and that made it way to coddling to get out of.

I am taking tommorow off because I have a very busy weekend. I have a halloween party to go to on Friday night with tons of food and treats..then we are going to the apple orchard to get apples for pie and cider and kettle corn. I think this weekend will be a bit tough with points, but hopefully I can get in some good workouts.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Weight gain, weight loss

Okay I am officially the biggest yo-yoer when it come to weight. I just continue to go from 180 to 182 and cannot get out of this cycle. I was doing it before with 184 and 182..and perhaps I should be happy that I lost those 2 pounds..just it is tough..and this is a lifestyle, I always remind myself. It doesn't help that the bf has wasted away into super-thindom either. He cannot wear any of his pants, they are so sadly baggy. Family and friends go on and on about him being anorexic and all that stuff...and I can't help but to feel like shit about my weight loss efforts because they are so overshadowed by his. It is like people didn't even notice that I had lost weight. I will quit being a baby now, but it is just not fair!

Anyway, I am going to try to make my food choices a little healthier. I am going to try to eat a protein and a carb for a snack, 2 or 3 times a day. I have included nuts and seeds also into my diet...even though they are sickly high in points, but from things I have read..very good for you. I ordered a new book from Amazon and will let you know my thoughts about it after I read it. It is pretty much about healthy eating. Anyway, I have been down the path of re-gaining weight on WW before and I will not gain the weight back again! I need to make some different changes to make my diet healthier and include some more healthy fats in...that WW does not emphasize. I hope this change will make a difference in my diet and my sweet cravings...because what I am doing isn't working all that well for me right now.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Changing breakfast

So yesterday I surfed the web a bit about sugar cravings and read some interesting things. I decided to make some changes to my breakfast because I always eat the same thing. I didn't think anything was wrong with this for the longest time because I really enjoy my cereal...anyway, I am going to eat something different for breakfast every 3 days. So I can have my cereal one day, oatmeal the next, maybe a smoothie...and eggs and toast or something. Anyway, it apparently is not good to eat the same things everyday. I was really only doing it with breakfast..but still, you need different nutrients every day. I had simple harvest oatmeal today. It is tasty, but didn't fill me up nearly as much as my cereal. It was 1 point less with ff milk...but maybe I need to eat 2 packages? I guess I am used to a bigger breakfast.

I might swing by the store to pick up some bread because I haven't been eating it lately..or english muffins. I know I can eat a different breakfast every 3 is not that hard. Next week I may introduce other more protein into my snacks. I think 1 change at a time is a good place to start.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I have no answers

I have really dropped the ball on exercising this week. I just didn't feel like it yesterday...and Wednesday I had a hair cut and went to see a friend. I have to say I don't feel all that great and had dreams about exercising last night. I think that is strange. Anyway, I intend on lifting and doing cardio tonight. The nice thing is that we have leftovers from the party we had yesterday, so I don't have to make dinner tonight.

I had a crazy weekend this week and ate way too much movie popcorn. I don't usually eat popcorn at the movies, but this weekend it tasted really good to me. We also had a Rockband 2 party yesterday and I ate a lot of chips. Total salt crazy weekend for me! I usually eat more sugar..but this weekend salt. I don't know what I am going to do with my weight loss goals. I have hit a wall with 180, and don't know if I am motivated enough to get past it. My body must really like being this weight because I can loose one week and gain back up the is really like a see saw in a way. I just don't get it, but as the Holidays get closer...I think I should go back on maintenance...but that is what essentially I am doing now. I don't really know what to do anymore....guess I have to think about this more.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Ice cream scares me

I am a little sad that the ice cream shop by my house closed. I got reliant on going there when I wanted a little light ice cream because I cannot bear to keep ice cream in my house. I know that if I want to eat it I should by it and all of those things..but the truth is that it is just one of those things I should not be trusted with. I will eat it and eat large amounts of it until it is gone. I did overcome my candy thing though..and I have had candy in the cupboard that I haven't touch in months...perhaps I should throw it it good anymore? Or I could give it out on Halloween. Anyway, my last hurdle to overcome is having ice cream in the house. I just, okay..I am scared to have it in the house. I am scared of it. What happens when I really want it though? I guess I will have to go to TCBY. TCBY is good and all..but it gives me a stomach ache. I think it is the yogurt cultures they add back in now. Anyway, advice on this matter would be welcomed.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


It is weird to be really busy. Last night I went to the other side of town (where I used to live) to get my hair cut and colored. I usually can go to the mall and just look around at things...but this time I had to get to my appointment, then go visit my friends who bought my home. I ended up being there pretty late...and really did not eat much yesterday. I got home at 10 and was in bed by 10:30....but I have to say I was starving. I thought it was a little late to eat, so I didn't..I woke up starving for breakfast this morning. I am okay now...but it is weird how when you get busy you forget to eat. Perhaps I am not busy enough..but I like not being busy. I think this will change if we decide to have a family. It is nice to not feel stressed or overly stimulated. It was actually hard for me to get to sleep last night because I had been talking non-stop to people, and my head was spinning. I am not a huge people person, so it kind of drains me to be social for long periods of time. Anyway, I am still trying to do the 5 points a day until Saturday...and I have extra to use on one day because of yesterday, which is a nice surprise. I guess I may be getting to the point where everything isn't about food or what I am going to treat myself is a nice feeling.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Lost that 3.4 pounds

Hooray, I lost that pesky 3.4 pounds I thought I had put on last week. TOM is very strange and I think I was retaining a lot of water. I am happy to be back to my lowest weight of 180 so far on a weigh in day...I saw 179 all week a bummer it did not carry over. I couldn't post yesterday because I had a doggie emergency. She was sick and needed to go to the vet. She has gastrointestinal parasites...she is on meds and has to eat beef/chicken/turkey with white rice for a couple of days. I made a big batch of doggie food yesterday for she is all set. I hope she gets better soon! I was so worried about her.

So I have to admit that I keep having these fantasies of being 175 or 170 or in the 170's lately. I really want to drop, but I know it will take some more work..i.e. working out. I didn't do as much working out this week as I wanted to, I was about an hour and a half short. I just will try to do better again next week. Oh and spreading out the flex points with the 5 on Wed., Thurs., & Friday worked really well for me. It was great to have more freedom on the weekend. I hope to be able to do that again this week.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Things are better

I did really well at saving my flex points for the weekend this week. I had a really nice treat fest on was so much fun I have to keep saving them! I was down in weight from doing it during the end of the week...but after yesterday I am probably leveling up a bit in weight. The snacking has really helped me not want to have a lot of food in the evening on the week days. I wish I would of done the 3 snacks a day thing sooner, I was doing it way back when...but I didn't honestly realize that it would help so much with my evening snacking.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Spread out the flex points

I have devised a new system for myself with my flex points. I am not really all that happy with were my weight has crept up, so it requires a little tightening up. I am going to do 5 points over on Wed, Thurs & Friday, then 10 extra points on Saturday & Sunday. I have been eating most of my extra points on Wed. & Thurs. lately..and I need more of them on the weekend. Saturday is a day we sometimes go out to lunch or a I feel the need to splurge a little...and Sundays, I usually like to eat a lot more also. I have to say I have been successful so far with this, but it is a little tough when it gets later and I am hungry. I don't get why I am still hungry even when I eat 5 points more for the day? Perhaps I need to eat more fruits...but that is always a struggle for me because I don't enjoy them all that much. Speaking of hungry, I am hungry already..but I need to wait until 10 for my morning snack. Why stomach? why?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I need 3 snacks a day!

Wow, I am glad I got through yesterday. I went to bed at 9:30 on Tuesday night because I was tired and I had to get up an extra half hour earlier to get to a meeting. Then it was my TOM, and I was having a rough time with it. I hate feeling tired, sore and hungry....all of which I felt yesterday. The one thing that really helped me out is that I had 2 snacks yesterday. One between breakfast and lunch and one between lunch and dinner. The one between lunch and dinner really helped out a lot. I had a hot chocolate with lf honey graham crackers and I immediately felt better. I have been having hot chocolate almost every night lately...I love it because it makes me nice and warm and relaxed. Anyway, I was reminded once again how important it is for me to have at least 2 snacks a day. If I don't and my thinking is.."save the points for a larger dinner"....I eat so much more in the evening. This is a bad habit that needs fixing, because if I have my snacks I am not crazy ravenous at dinnertime and then don't need to have an eating free for all in the evening. It is so common sense..but I just can't get it through to my brain permanently.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Time to recharge my motivation

I haven't been at 183 for a while now and I reached it this week. I went a little crazy and need to work a little harder this next week. I want to get off the extra couple of pounds I gained in the last couple of weeks. I know I can do this, it is just a little hard to get myself motivated lately. I do feel that I am on an upswing though this week and I believe I can get myself going again. I made some bad choices this week and all I can do is try to make some better ones going forward.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Thai heaven

Okay, I didn't mention this yesterday because I didn't know if I would go..but I went to a thai cooking class last night. I ate too many deep fried spring rolls..and went way over on points..but besides that I really liked it and had fun. I found out that there is no low calorie way to make Thai food. A lot of coconut milk is used in it and I was strongly advised not to use the light stuff. If I make thai food anytime in the future it will definitely be a special treat meal. A delicious one. Thai is my favorite type of food to go out for, so I like that I learned how to cook it. I just cannot make it light in any way, shape or form...or it just wouldn't be thai food. I really thought I could somehow learn to make it lighter....I really did.

I am a little scared to get on the scale tomorrow because it is my TOM and I really went over on points this week...probably in the double digits. I really need to do more exercising as well..I have slacked off on that too. I have been fighting this dormant kind of cold for the last week..and I just haven't been sleeping well. Especially last night...perhaps all the curry made me too stimulated? I also ate out thai this weekend so I think I have had my thai food fix for quite a while now. I would definitely take another cooking class is super fun.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Aversion therapy

It's Monday and I feel pretty well rested. I had a good Sunday, filled with baking cookies (my second weekend in a row). Last week I made oatmeal raisin and this weekend it was peanut butter. I liked both quite a lot and I find baking enjoyable in the fall and winter months. I like it, but it isn't the best thing for someone who has a hard time stopping themselves from eating sweets. Yes, I ate a lot of cookies both times I made them...but I had to ask myself, "Why do I not make cookies?" And the answer was because they don't fit into my healthy eating plan and I am trying to lose weight. But, I enjoy baking and this is my eating plan for the rest of my am I never going to be able to make cookies ever again? That would suck, so I decided whenever I really, really want to make cookies..I am going to. I just don't want to make a habit of making them every week. I sometimes think that if I just bake them as much as I want, then I will slowly get myself away from the need of eating so many of them. I do wonder about that...but not sure if I would want to test that out yet.

I have to say that this sort of aversion therapy really helped me with candy eating. The 1 candy bar everyday thing really did make me not care about candy being around so much. When I see a bowl, I sometimes take it..but it isn't a need anymore. I felt like before I needed to eat large amounts of I know I can pick up a candy bar at any time...and is the one in the bowl the one I would choose? Most of the time it is NO.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Caffeine and Sugar

It was a dark and dreary day yesterday. I also did not sleep very well on Wednesday night and yesterday I was tired and cranky the entire day. I feel much better today, but I left work on Thursday feeling quite miserable and wanting a pb cup flurry more than anything. So I got one while it was raining and the wind was blowing at me (I can't believe ice cream shops are still open). It is a good thing, because I think if I couldn't of gotten that, that I would have gotten one of those giant chocolate bars at the grocery store (more calories, since I got kiddie size flurry). So I think stress and lack of sleep caused that sugar fest. I was well aware that I was trying to jack my serotonin levels up by eating that. It worked quite well, but gave me a bit of a stomach ache for the rest of the night. I guess I wonder why caffeine and sugar have such an effect on me?

So the reason I could not sleep on Wednesday was, I think because I had 2 lattes that day. I had a venti w/ an extra shot and another grande. I think the caffeine was overloading my system. Another reaction to caffeine/sugar. I sometimes think it would be quite nice to not be so sensitive to everything....and my sugar highs feel like real highs. I guess it is better than drugs and alcohol, but it sure doesn't help me to loose weight. My goal is to only do one latte a day in the morning and keep away from so much sugar.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


Lost .6 this week. Just trying to keep making healthier choices and exercising. I really can't believe I am back at my stuck point again. I also don't think I ate the 7000 calories needed to gain the weight I did..but maybe I miscalculated somewhere? I am not sure that the calories science is exactly right..and I think water can be having some effect also. Actually, I don't care....I will try to get it off again and keep going..but what is done is done..and maybe my body just wants to be this weight at this point in time. I am not giving up, but I also don't feel any sort of need to beat up on myself for 2 pounds or so.