Friday, May 30, 2008


Well, last night we went to my bf's grandmother's house. She always cooks for us and his siblings...which is good...but also bad. She told me yesterday that she had 2 heart attacks already and has a lot of health problems. Her doctor told her she has to eat a healthier diet and exercise. These are all good things, but she is almost 80 years old and I don't think she is going to change her habits now..but I guess you never know. What is it about being older and getting set in your ways? I have never understood this because I see myself as a very flexible person...and hope that when I am that age I a) already have healthy habits b) stay flexible with my thinking.

She made us spaghetti with large white noodles and then had some sauce and pot roast meat going in the crock pot..? I was about to put the noodles in boiling water for her and she stopped me so that she could put over a half a cup of vegetable oil in the water?? (who does that?) I do not put anything in my whole wheat noodles I make..but anyway...then she made us garlic bread (I think in the broiler) that was charred or burned around all the corners...and loaded w/ butter. For dessert was german chocolate cake w/ caramel on top, full fat whipped cream and a thick layer of health candy crumbled on top. I love sugar, but it tasted like sugar chocolate flavor...just sugar. It is so nice that she cooked and I do have fun over there....just she has a completely different style of cooking, that I just can't relate to.

She also mentioned to me that she wanted to make us a healthy meal and I almost fell over in shock. This is a healthy meal? The generation gap was in full force at that moment. I love his grandma, but I so wish I could help her to learn some healthier ways of cooking. You really can't do anything like that unless someone asks for help. I think she would take offense if I did offer to help.

Anyway, after I had that dinner I came home and was somehow still hungry. I didn't eat anything, but really wondered if all that refined food somehow doesn't fill you up as much as our hearty, healthy food does? I wonder if this is how most Americans cook/eat? I for one did not think I ate super healthy...and am always looking for ways to clean up my diet a bit.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Focus on other things

I have to say now that I am somewhat satisfied with my weight, I feel a lot more confident socially. I am starting to feel that I am more than my looks and that people are not focusing on how fat I am when they meet me. I know, this sounds horrible..and that I had no self esteem...but it is true.

I guess it is so easy to get caught up in your much so that it makes the rest of your life fuzzy or out of focus. I look at this and think..why was I wasting all that time worrying about being fat? And why couldn't I be how I am now with more weight on me? Perhaps I wasn't ready or in a good state of mind? I really don't know. This is a strange phenomenon that has recycled itself many times in my life.

Then I think that maybe all the exercise I do balanced out some brain chemicals for me to feel better? Does exercising really have that affect? Or does food? I don't think I will ever be able to answer any of these questions for myself....but I just know that I feel good. I feel beautiful and confident..even though I wear a size 14.

I do think there is a self-esteem lifting proponent that goes along with taking care of yourself and caring about your health. For me, right isn't just about getting to my goal weight or being able to wear different kinds of is just about continuing my healthy lifestyle and feeling good about myself. If I get to my goals in weight loss...great...but I do feel good where I am at now.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Yes and No

So I ended up walking to get a latte from the Mom and Pop coffee shop a couple of blocks away from work yesterday. It was a nice walk, but I got a couple of blisters from my new working out was not going to happen last night. I was also so tired, I don't know how I let myself get so exhausted..but I do snap out of it eventually. I haven't been getting up to work out in the morning this week. I hope to get to it tomorrow and Friday morning..mainly because I have to..if I want to get work outs in on those days.

I maintained my weight this week (I think for the first week ever). This received mix feelings from me. I guess I was hoping to settle more around 182 than 183..but maybe next week. I worked out a lot last week, but it didn't make a huge difference.

I am continuing my weight stabilization for another month and a week..ending on June 9th. I planned in my weight tracking chart to do 3 months of maintenance, then go back to 24 points. I hope I will then get my motivation back to lose and get to my first and second goal weights.

I guess my new maintenance points are 26, not 28 like I was doing a couple of months ago. I am not looking forward to 24, mainly because it seems almost impossible for me to stick to it. But for the sake of having a good attitude...I have stuck to it in the past and I know I can do it again. I will try not to have a negative attitude towards it, it really is only 2 points less a day....right?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Feeling good, but need latte

I got a new shirt on Friday to match my new Birkenstock's. I ventured off and actually bought brown sandals instead of black. I usually always buy black everything..I think it had become a habit to disguise my weight. I wear colors now and feel pretty confident in them. My new color, not a great departure from brown. I feel great because I got a new shirt and it is pretty cool. I also have gotten compliments on it. So nice to get compliments from work people.

However, with my good feelings about that....I am going thru Starbucks withdrawal. I had lattes Friday thru Monday..and the latte I made this morning just didn't cut it. I carpooled today, like a good girl...and no Starbucks :(. I wish there was a Starbucks close to my work..but there isn't. There is a Mom and Pop coffee shop..which I am seriously considering walking to. But it just isn't as good as Starbucks. I am so addicted, what do they put in those things?? Anyway at least it is a somewhat healthier thing to be addicted least the milk has calcium, right? I have a headache...that only Starbucks can cure...I hope to get over it. It is not good to be this addicted.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Give and take issues

I have to say that I have been having issues with giving to people and receiving. The problem is I don't seem to receive back what I give to others. I believe in Karma and the Golden Rule, but it seems that the people in my life like to just take. It is starting to irritate me and it gives me anxiety, the kind of anxiety that makes me want to eat. I don't think this makes me a bad person, and I have read all the books from the Dali Lama about doing things for others and being compassionate....but don't people want to do things for people who do things for them?

I am not sure how to tackle this issue for myself. I grew up in a family that wanted me to just do things for them all the time...never returning the favors and getting angry or making me feel guilty if they had to do something for me. I grew up thinking that I wasn't supposed to get anything back and my adult life is seeming to be that way also..but not as much as when I was a kid. I look to myself to set my boundaries about how much I give, but unfortunately I have committed myself to a man that is more of a giver than I am. This is great because he is very giving to me, but both of us combined...I think makes our friends take advantage of us. And how do you say to your don't do enough for us back?? That is just not appropriate to do.

I guess I am doing a bit of soul searching. I do feel that my work environment is positive and my boss is giving when he can be, which makes me feel great. He just came into my office and told me I could leave a couple of hours early..and he may be getting me a Mac laptop that I need for testing. So that is great, but different because he isn't connected to my life in a personal way. The reason for this post is that I think giving eats away at me and my soul feels the need to receive back some good deeds. I think I eat to make up for this or try to make myself feel better.

I hate to complain and act like I am not grateful for the wonderful life I have, but my emotional needs just sometimes don't seem to be met by my co-worker, close friends and family. I guess I am trying to see how some of these needs perhaps can be met to fill the void. I feel a bit vulnerable with putting this out there...but would love to get some feedback. Thanks blog for listening.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Tired but chugging along...

I worked out this morning and carpooled and made my own latte. Wow. These are things I find hard to do in the morning. I got up at 6 a.m. which I never thought I could do. I have always been a late sleeper and found it hard to get up in the morning. For a while there I was getting to work at 9 a.m. because I was so lazy in the morning. This really amazes me and makes me wonder how I am doing it? I have to admit that I only carpooled twice this week and the other time on Tuesday was horrendous on the way home. The traffic was so horrible and I was hungry and cranky..I thought I cannot do this! We shall see how it is today. I bought an extra snack to eat right before I leave the office. I must be prepared for change.

I am super tired right now though. I hope to wake up soon because I have a long day ahead of me. I am currently in withdrawal from Starbucks. I did have one yesterday though. But I swear that Starbucks has double the caffeine than the beans you buy in bulk. When I make my own lattes they don't give me nearly the jolt that the Starbucks lattes do. I only put one shot in and the Starbucks one has that could be it. My cups are too small to fit more, unfortunately.

A couple of years ago I bought my own espresso machine to save myself money. I also thought I was going to Starbucks too much. I lived in my house then and did not have any extra if I wanted a latte it was the only choice. I do have more extra money now living with the bf, and because of that...let my latte habit go wild. I am proud that I am trying to reign it back in. It is more economical to make your own and I need to pay off my credit card. Having a balance stresses me out and gives me anxiety. I want the piece of mind that comes along with having no credit card debt.

So how does all this affect my healthy lifestyle change? It is all related. I think any extra stress or change in routine or money problems I have make me want to eat/snack more. When I think of debt, I think I want it all to go away with a candy bar, which doesn't help. But if I don't have debt...then maybe I will have that little bit less amount of stress to help me not get the candy bar once in a while.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Why did I think I lost?

I guess the scale can say two dramatically different numbers from one day to the next. I had a gain this week and I know why, but I thought I was down. Yesterday the scale said 181.6 and today it was a perfect 183. I wasn't feeling very good last night so I did not work out. I had a huge dessert craving and apparently a candy bar wasn't enough, I had to get some soft serve vanilla ice cream as well. I have that time this week so that makes me crave sugar, but not feel this lazy usually.

I have to say this week has been a strange week because I haven't been feeling very good and I have had some changes to my schedule. I really hope that I can get used to things and try to continue to cook and exercise. I did not exercise this week as much as I normally do. I usually have more energy, so I am blaming it on my time of the month this week and moving on. I just want to maintain still anyway and I hope for better numbers next week. I am so tired still.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


So yesterday was Monday as you are all probably aware of, and it was not a good day for me. I did not feel good the entire day. I had this strange stomach cramp and then I almost fell asleep at my desk at 2 p.m. That never happens..I was tired and hot..which the hot part is weird, I am usually cold (and it is 60 degrees out). I left work at 3 p.m. to go home and rest. I got home and had the worst headache ever, but still decided to cook dinner for the bf.

After dinner I thought I would relax for a while then try to work out. That never happened. I was sore from pushing myself with my workouts on the weekend. I relaxed all night then went to bed at 9:30 p.m. That is kind of early for me, but I was able to get up at 6 a.m. this morning and workout. We also carpooled for the first day and it was nice to have time to talk to each other in the morning.

I feel optimistic that I will be losing some weight this week. I really pushed myself and I think that made a positive impact on my weight. All the plateau articles I read say to up the intensity of your workouts. This helps you to push through the plateau. I think it worked. I am not trying to loose because I am still in my maintenance period, but it is nice if I just happen to.

I can see how you could get burned out fast by pushing yourself to often. I think perhaps 2 of my 5 or 6 workouts a week should be pushed, the others could be more moderately paced. I only think this because I get so sore that I do not want to work out at all, kind of like I don't know....yesterday.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Weekend thoughts

Well, I am trying to start carpooling with the bf to save gas money and wear and tear on my older car. We work only about a block apart from each other.

I got up to do it today, but I had some strange stomach cramps and because he could not pick me up if I wasn't feeling well..I drove today. I was going to get up to exercise, but the stomach craps prevented me from doing it. I have to now get up an extra half an hour earlier with all this. I have to get up at 6 a.m. if I want to work out before work instead of 6:30 a.m. I am hoping I can get used to this. I also am giving up my morning Starbucks latte and making my own...another money saver. I did make my own latte at least I get half a gold star.

After reading about how Roni from Weight Watchen can run 2.5 miles in 30 minutes..I decided to step it up a bit with my cardio routine. I have to say I was settling into the same workout at the same pace...and that doesn't really help to get me into better shape. I did 2.19 miles on Saturday at a jog/walk pace. I am hoping to get to 2.25 miles soon, then to 2.5 miles and so on. I have to say I am pretty sore and my body feels much more worked. I guess I got lazy.

My goals for this week: car pool and work out as well as go to bed between 9:30 or 10 every night.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Been eating out too much

I had Jimmy Johns 2 nights ago for dinner and Subway for lunch and Papa Vino's for dinner last night...and I may have to go out to dinner again tonight. :( I used to love to eat out, but I really miss cooking our own dinners for the past couple of days. I feel so much better when I eat home cooked food. I hope we don't see Narnia tonight because I don't want to go out to dinner anymore! Is that bad? I love seeing movies..but it is getting nauseating to go out to dinner so much. I have blown through a lot of flexpoints already and I don't want to give anymore up..but I guess if I have too I will. This weekend and next week is gonna be a bit rough without extra points.

I am totally exhausted today because I stayed up too late last night. I would love to take a nap. I did not get up to exercise today and I feel a bit bloated and I ate too much salt. I know salt tastes good, but restaurants go way to far with it. I will never understand why they need to put so much of it on. I hope things return soon to cooking.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Mind Plays Evil Tricks

Well for one I got up and worked out today. I did not workout last night because I got a massage and just wasn't up to it. I am hoping that I can get in a weight workout right after work..but we are supposed to take my bf's mom out to eat for a belated mother's day dinner. I hope she picks something with something healthy, I ate Jimmy Johns yesterday (because bf ate all leftovers) and did not realize that the mayonnaise on my sandwich was not light until I looked on their web site. has a lot of calories and fat. It was lightly spread..but still.

The bf also told me today that he had lost more weight. I am super happy for him and he looked so handsome today...but I am a little jealous that he seems to be a metabolic wonder and loses weight without exercising. He does do a bit better with the diet because he doesn't like sweets, but he is catching up to me with his weight..and I absolutely cannot handle it if he weighs less than me. My mind plays evil tricks on me...see, and I guess I am more competitive than I thought.

I have decided that I need to work a little harder on my workouts. I have also not been lifting as much as I did before vacation. I barely get in twice a week. So I need to remotivate myself again and get my butt moving.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Lost .2 pounds this week

Okay, I lost .2 pounds this week. That is good that I am not gaining and it seems that my weight is stabilizing a bit more. I have been doing 26 points a day, 28 seems to make me gain for some reason. Yesterday (Tuesday) I got on the scale in the morning and saw 183.6, such a difference a day makes. I had pizza on Monday night and that always makes my weight go up. I think it is the sodium in the crust. Water really plays with the numbers.

Anyway, I did really good last week with spreading out my 35 extra flexpoints. I hope to do that again this week.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I got up and worked out today

Yes, I am proud to say I finally got my butt up and did it. Last night (while I was making dinner) I got a call from my doctor about the blood tests I did. I didn't write the numbers down, but I am going to call back and get them. They said my LDL was still not so great...I think, or was that HDL? Anyway, it is so confusing...I will call back today and get the numbers. I have to say I thought they would all be normal and good because I lost that 20 pounds. The fact that one of the numbers isn't optimal...none are in the unhealthy range..but still, makes me kind of mad. I take that to mean that I have to work harder and probably loose more weight than I thought to get them perfect. I guess that is what spurred me on to get up and do cardio this morning. Also, an unfriendly number was on the scale..uggh. :(

I am not quite as awake as I usually am at this time because I skipped my latte. I made pizza last night and still felt full this morning. There was no room for my latte..but maybe in an hour or so there will be. I will post my LDL, HDL and Triglyceride numbers from 2005..then I will get the new ones to compare.

2005 LDL = 118 (less than 100)
2005 HDL = 57 (60 or higher)
2005 Tri = 117 (less than 150)
Total Cholesterol = 198

Okay I just called and got my new numbers:

2008 LDL = 99 (less than 100)
2008 HDL = 53 (60 or higher)
2008 Tri = 114 (less than 150)
Total Cholestorol = 175

It is better, but somehow my good cholesterol is falling. I wonder how I can make that better?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Sunday struggle

It's Monday and I am pretty proud of myself for actually getting up and working out last night. I don't really know what came over me yesterday. I slept until 12:30 p.m., then felt tired all day long. I could hardly get up and do anything. I really needed to work out because I took 2 days off in a row..kind of. I moved the friend that bought my house out of his apartment up 3 flights of stairs, so that is kind of considered exercise for Saturday. Perhaps that is why I was so tired.

I wanted to work out so badly and did not have the energy, so what did I do? I went and got a latte from Starbucks a half an hour before I was going to work out. I actually got a great hour workout in...I guess I should do that if I am feeling like I have no energy. It really worked.

There are so many times when I think I can't continue to work out, but I always end up getting up and doing it. That is a feat in and of itself. It is really important for me to exercise to keep my weight down. I also need to thank my Birkenstocks for making my feet feel great, so that I continue exercising. They are not the cutest, but they really are worth the money and are a great sandal. And doesn't everyone have a little bit of hippie in them?

Friday, May 9, 2008

Blood tests and sleepy

I had to get up early for a blood sugar, cholesterol and thyroid blood test this morning. I had been putting it off all week. I had to do a 12 hour fast, which really sucks in the morning. I also got up a half an hour earlier and now I am so tired I can hardly think straight.

That brings me to the 12 hour fast and the fact that I cannot not eat breakfast or I feel like I am going to faint. I don't know how people don't eat breakfast and can still function. I feel all outta whack still. I love breakfast. I went back to my house afterwards and mowed down on some cereal..and I gotta say my cereal tasted better than it ever has this morning. Hunger can do weird things to your taste buds. I usually like it, but not that much. I was saying yum, umm, umm while I was eating it and my doggy was looking at me funny.

I am seeing Speed Racer tonight in Imax, I hope it is good. I also am eating at Qdoba (not by my choice). I have to look at their site and find some nutrition facts...I don't think anything there is remotely healthy.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Why does time go so fast?

This week has gone by so fast and I feel like I haven't had enough time to enjoy anything..I hope to do that on the weekend. Last night I sat on the couch and watched tv all night...but I did get up this morning to work out. I have a rule...not to take more than 2 days off in a row of exercising. Sometimes I break that rule, like last week...but I really try hard to keep it.

I know I have said it a thousand times...but I want to try to get up in the morning and work out. Since we got our new bed it has been challenging, but I think I have enjoyed it enough to get up a half an hour earlier. I am going to try, because then I can take my dog to the doggy park on the nice days or lift weights after work. This seems like a great solution and it helps me avoid the dreaded working out for an hour thing...hoping I can make it happen.

I also hope to get some photos on the site soon.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I totally deserve it

I gained .8 this week, and I totally deserve it. I snacked and snacked on Saturday and Sunday after having eaten all my flex points from Wednesday to Friday. The weight gains don't always make a whole lot of sense to me, but this one does.

Once again, I will mention that I was moving and feeling anxiety about it. I had to say my final goodbyes to my former home and life, in a way. Not that it is an excuse, but sometimes life takes you away from your regular routines and that has an effect on your weight loss goals. I also did not exercise for 4 days in a row last week, that is the longest I have gone without exercise since my vacation. I will get back on track this week though.

I finally did finish the book I was reading, see post. I have to say I like the concept, but a lot of the information is a repeat of all the other articles I have read on health. It is a good book for people who don't know the basics on nutrition and health. I would recommend it for them. For me, it was a little boring after the first couple of chapters...because I wasn't reading any new information. The thing I like about the book is that it tells you it's okay to take weight loss slow and to make the appropriate lifestyle changes needed to keep it off...only if it is 10% of your weight. I think that is a great thing to put in my head. Baby steps are the way to go. Weight watchers actually makes 10% weight loss the goal for people, when I lost 10% I got the key chain. I am still proud of that, but at the time I didn't think it was that big of a deal....let me tell you, I do now.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Getting there

Well I finally feel sane today. I still have some big stuff to move from my house, but I am trying to arrange some kind of bigger vehicle to do it. Other than that, I am out of my house. I now feel like I can get back into my healthy living lifestyle. I am proud of myself for my weight loss and maintenance so far, but I would love to see some 170's in my future.

I have to say that it is impossible for me to loose weight and exercise when my life is chaotic. If you are in a chaotic phase and reading this, give yourself a little break...and resume things when your life is calmer. I wish I would of done that for myself. I get way too stressed out if I try to do everything while I am in a stress mode.

I just looked at my weight tracker chart and I have almost been on my healthy lifestyle quest for 10 months. It will be a year in July/August. Wow time flies....but it is great to still be losing and working on things after all that time. I have to say I feel great most of the time and feel that I have made a permanent change in my behaviors. The hard work is really worth it.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Moving is exhausting

I have to say that moving last week definitely put a wrench in my exercising and weight loss. I was too exhausted to exercise after moving all day, but that led me to take a whole week off. I didn't exercise even on the days I didn't move. I guess I was a little overwhelmed by the process. I tried my hardest to get up this morning and work out, but I was too sleepy. So I hope to get in some cardio and weights tonight.

I have to say I am not feeling the greatest. I feel sluggish and bloated. I miss feeling better than this and that is my motivation to keep going. I always want to feel good. Is zigzagging my weight up and down a few pounds count as maintenance?

I went and saw Ironman on Saturday and the bf got a bucket of popcorn that we ended up taking home. I finished up the bucket late Saturday night. Sunday was another day I snacked and snacked. I really don't like popcorn all that much, but it tasted good for some reason.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Lost 1.8 this week on maintenance?

Okay, so I am thinking that my body needs more calories to loose than the 24 point guideline from weight watchers. This seems a little strange that when I stop trying to loose weight, I loose it. So I have learned something from this whole thing and will continue on in this method until I hit a plateau, then I might change it.

I haven't been exercising this week because I have been moving. That is exhausting and I have no energy after that to do anything. I will resume my normal workout habits next week.