Thursday, May 29, 2008

Focus on other things

I have to say now that I am somewhat satisfied with my weight, I feel a lot more confident socially. I am starting to feel that I am more than my looks and that people are not focusing on how fat I am when they meet me. I know, this sounds horrible..and that I had no self esteem...but it is true.

I guess it is so easy to get caught up in your much so that it makes the rest of your life fuzzy or out of focus. I look at this and think..why was I wasting all that time worrying about being fat? And why couldn't I be how I am now with more weight on me? Perhaps I wasn't ready or in a good state of mind? I really don't know. This is a strange phenomenon that has recycled itself many times in my life.

Then I think that maybe all the exercise I do balanced out some brain chemicals for me to feel better? Does exercising really have that affect? Or does food? I don't think I will ever be able to answer any of these questions for myself....but I just know that I feel good. I feel beautiful and confident..even though I wear a size 14.

I do think there is a self-esteem lifting proponent that goes along with taking care of yourself and caring about your health. For me, right isn't just about getting to my goal weight or being able to wear different kinds of is just about continuing my healthy lifestyle and feeling good about myself. If I get to my goals in weight loss...great...but I do feel good where I am at now.

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