Friday, May 23, 2008

Give and take issues

I have to say that I have been having issues with giving to people and receiving. The problem is I don't seem to receive back what I give to others. I believe in Karma and the Golden Rule, but it seems that the people in my life like to just take. It is starting to irritate me and it gives me anxiety, the kind of anxiety that makes me want to eat. I don't think this makes me a bad person, and I have read all the books from the Dali Lama about doing things for others and being compassionate....but don't people want to do things for people who do things for them?

I am not sure how to tackle this issue for myself. I grew up in a family that wanted me to just do things for them all the time...never returning the favors and getting angry or making me feel guilty if they had to do something for me. I grew up thinking that I wasn't supposed to get anything back and my adult life is seeming to be that way also..but not as much as when I was a kid. I look to myself to set my boundaries about how much I give, but unfortunately I have committed myself to a man that is more of a giver than I am. This is great because he is very giving to me, but both of us combined...I think makes our friends take advantage of us. And how do you say to your don't do enough for us back?? That is just not appropriate to do.

I guess I am doing a bit of soul searching. I do feel that my work environment is positive and my boss is giving when he can be, which makes me feel great. He just came into my office and told me I could leave a couple of hours early..and he may be getting me a Mac laptop that I need for testing. So that is great, but different because he isn't connected to my life in a personal way. The reason for this post is that I think giving eats away at me and my soul feels the need to receive back some good deeds. I think I eat to make up for this or try to make myself feel better.

I hate to complain and act like I am not grateful for the wonderful life I have, but my emotional needs just sometimes don't seem to be met by my co-worker, close friends and family. I guess I am trying to see how some of these needs perhaps can be met to fill the void. I feel a bit vulnerable with putting this out there...but would love to get some feedback. Thanks blog for listening.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

At my age (53) I've lost some friends and also have dropped some. If you find that someone has taken advantage of you once or maybe twice, I'd say don't keep them in your life. But I am loyal to people who have been good to me. This is a poem my mon's neighbour wrote in my autograph book when I was about 13 yrs old: Friends are like money both silver and gold. Hang on to the new, don't part with the old.