Struggles

Well this has been a tough week so far for me. I somehow think the dreary, snowy weather has something to do with it. I have felt crabby and basically unhappy for the last couple of days. I haven't had my usual workout stamina either. The thought of the cruise isn't cheering me up either.

Last night I could hardly walk on the treadmill and felt ill when I tried to push myself. I was dissapointed that I could not do 2 miles in 30 minutes, my usual time (easily). I also have been craving sugar (mostly in the form of candy bars) as well. So I have been eating more sugar and more of the dinners I made this week and not counting the extra points for it. It has shown on the scale. I would not be surprised if I have a gain this week. That makes me more depressed.

I don't feel out of control or anything...just that I want to eat more and have desserts after lunch and dinner. I have fought the lunch thing. I again, think I may be missing the sun and needing to replace it somehow with food and sugar. I just don't know for sure why I am in this funk and it is starting to bother me. I want to loose more weight, but I also don't want to be hard on myself. I think I need to be a bit more strict...but then again, I have come so far and am proud of myself. This is a lifestyle change, not a facist regime.

So all I can do is try harder next week. I know the struggling is always going to wax and wane and at least I am not happy with it and want to improve it. This is a journey, a journey to find health and it might not always go as I want it to. I probably need to go to yoga tonight, I hope it is not packed with people or 100 degrees in there again.