Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Self esteem issues

So I somehow ended up taking another week off from the treadmill this week. I guess I just didn't feel like getting on it. I think it is the best calorie burning workout I do, but I am just not into it since my calf strain injury. It seems so easy for me to get out of my workout groove. I haven't stopped lifting weights, which seems ironic because for a long time I preferred the treadmill to lifting. I have now somehow switched this thinking. I want to start jogging again ASAP.

Why? I have been having issues with my self esteem lately, which may be connected to the no treadmill workouts. Most of the time I feel pretty good about my weight. But lately I have been feeling just as large as I did 20 pounds ago...I just can't seem to get over it. I think it may also be that I have been around a lot of super slim women recently. The bf works with a lot of tiny women and the wives of his male coworkers are super small too. I give myself a little leeway because I am a lot older then most of them, but still it plays a number on you in your head. It is hard to be around women that look cute in anything. This is especially true in my yoga class. I saw a women yesterday that couldn't be more perfectly proportioned. Uggh...I do kind of get sick of feeling body envy over other women. I know I don't look that bad...but it would be nice to not have the excess tummy flab and cellulite on my legs. I am having a hard time finding myself attractive lately and I think that may be rubbing off on the bf. I just want to feel sexy and good about myself....but it is hard. It is just another thing I keep working on. I can be a bit of a tomboy most of the time and just can't get into the whole frilly feminine things. That stuff seems so not me. Uggh, I hope I get over this and learn to accept myself better. Ugggh.

No comments: